The Weird Buffet Is Open
Bring Your Own Pepcid
Just in time for this week's followup to the Food Police column, I may have found the most unhealthy item on any restaurant menu anywhere. Read the next paragraph, then look me in the eye and TELL ME you don't want to go find a Cheddar's restaurant. For this particular delicacy, we won't be going to the entrees or desserts. No, we'll be heading where all TRUE gourmands know the most fat-laden and delicious munchies live: the appetizers. There on the left column, midway down, is an item with the culturally baffling name of Idaho Nachos. Let's give it a look, shall we?
To fulfill the Idaho angle, we begin with a heaping plate of fresh-from-the-oil waffle fries. To make them nachos, we'll add a heap of taco meat, melted cheese, jalapenos, and optional guacamole and sour cream. Put it all together and it spells L-U-N-C-H, followed by a quick coronary and triple bypass.
Needless to say, they were absolutely delicious. I'm looking for every excuse to get back to the restaurant for another order.
But this isn't about me. This is about you, faithful readers. In response to my first salvo across the soy-laden bow of the Food Police, you folks generated a most heartening flood of letters, recipes, and the most bizarre peanut-butter sandwich formulations I've ever seen. It is the last we'll deal with first.
Peanut Butter And Funky
We're going to start with a sandwich that takes a traditional theme (peanut butter and marshmallow cream, often known as the Fluffernutter) and gives it a true Weird Chronicles twist. Kim Thomas likes to put her peanut butter on one slice of bread, then raid the Easter candy stash for a few Peeps. These are then beaten into submission and flattened with a rolling pin and used in place of more conventional marshmallow products. Those of you who've kept up with the column know that there are very few things that give me as much pleasure as Peep torture. I'm looking forward to trying this one soon.
A favorite among several folks -- including Cynthia Olson, Kim Sweet-Buzzard (the hottest DJ in the land), Leah Mins, Cindi Graat and Donald Bean -- is a combo of peanut butter, mayonnaise or Miracle Whip, and dill pickles or pickle relish. I just haven't been drinking enough lately to make this one sound like a good idea.
From the meat aisle, we have Ed J. and B. Scoggin, who like to add a slice or two of bologna and tomatoes to their sandwiches, and Coral Digatono, who likes to make hers with toasted bread and two slices of my favorite day-before-payday meat entree, fried bologna.
There were a host of others ... peanut butter with lettuce, with bacon and bacon bits, and even a healthy dollop of brown sugar. In all, I should have six months' worth of sandwich sampling ahead.
The Weird Menu
And now, courtesy of you, faithful readers all, we're going to have breakfast, lunch and dinner Weird Style.
Breakfast comes to us courtesy of Don and Becky Thomas, and is known simply as "Don's Breakfast Scramble."
Fry bacon, then sausage, reserving some grease from each. Brown potatoes in grease, then add meat back to the skillet. Add eggs and cook until set, then top with cheese and continue heating until cheese melts.
Eat, then report to your cardiologist.
Lunch actually contains a vegetable, and comes to us courtesy of the Quizmistress herself, Karen Schulz, scion of Mount Horeb, Wisc. (home of the Mustard Museum). Behold her Broccoli/Cheez Whiz Casserole.
In a large stew pot, melt:
Bake at 350 degrees, uncovered, for one hour. Enjoy with your favorite peanut butter sandwich.
Dinner will be a true delight. I got a lot of recipes, folks, and sifting through them was a labor of love. It was a tough choice. I got a lot of entrees, and all of them were worthy of holding the center of the groaning board of Weird Eats. However, Steve Larson sent in a chicken recipe that quite simply, for taste and ingredients, blew away the rest.
Now, I know that chicken isn't traditionally an "unhealthy" meat. It's usually pretty lean, especially the boneless breasts in this recipe. However, Steve manages to tip the scales in fat's favor. Read on!
World's Best Chicken Breasts
Pound each breast between sheets of waxed paper until very thin, then dredge in flour and shake of excess.
Melt butter in large frying pan and saute each breast 1-2 minutes on each side. Drizzle with lemon juice while frying. Transfer chicken to two large 9-by-13-inch baking dishes and set aside.
Saute mushrooms in butter left in skillet, adding more butter if necessary, then spoon mushrooms and drippings over chicken.
Pour cream over all, then top with cheese.
Bake at 350 degrees F. for 20 minutes. Sprinkle with parsley before serving.
Now, what is dinner without dessert? For our final entry, I look to Bill Shoemaker, who sent in a selection from the "Bad For You Cookbook" by Chris Maynard and Bill Scheller. Without further ado, let's have a little Doughnut Pudding!
Chop or break doughnuts into small pieces. Mix with raisins.
Beat the eggs, then beat in milk, cream, and sugar. Stir until sugar is dissolved.
Butter a baking dish and pour in the doughnut/raisin mixture, then pour the egg/milk/cream mixture over all. Let stand at least 15 minutes.
Set dish in a roasting pan containing enough boiling water to come halfway up the side of the pudding dish. Bake at 375 F until center is set-about 20 minutes.
For your midnight snack, whip up a quick batch of Alton Brown's fried macaroni and cheese, the recipe for which can be found right here.
There are a few more keeper recipes in the bin, but I'm slap out of space. I'll toss them in as the weeks go on, if there's any interest. If you've got any cheese/cream/sugar-laden delicacies to share, drop me a line.
Distributed by Internet Broadcasting Systems, Inc. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
