Should Woman Leave Man For Man Who Left Her?

Dear DoubleTake,
I am a young woman. I was in a relationship with a man for a while, until he went to a concert at a beach and found another woman.
When he came back he broke up with me for her. We had had ups and downs and would take breaks, but he would beg me and I would take him back.
Since then I have met another man, who treats me wonderfully, but I find myself thinking about the man who crushed my heart. I begged for him back and he can't even give me a chance when I gave him several.
I have talked to my friends about it, and all they can say is that he is a hypocrite and that I don't need to be with him. I love this boy so much it hurts, but apparently the year we spent together was nothing for him.
I cannot believe what he did to me, but I want him back so bad. I am happy with the man I am with now, but how can I move on with my life?

BETTY SAYS:

The circumstances with the old boyfriend don't matter anymore. I don't mean to get all Tammy Wynette on you, but stand by your man -- your current honey, that is -- not that jerk who took off with the beach bunny.

Your friends are right. And, yes, it hurts. The hurt never goes away. You'll have dreams and regrets and desperate thoughts. But don't act on them! Don't beg for him. Your life's energy isn't worth it. You can be doing other things. And with time, you will see that things worked out right. You weren't meant for each other.

Try to get into therapy if possible. It takes a lot of work to get past issues, especially those in love.

EDDIE SAYS:

You probably don't need the help of a professional, actually. You just need some time. You're young, and these things do hurt. But they pass. It usually doesn't wash over you in a rush and scour you clean, though. It ebbs and flows until your emotional landscape is totally changed.

You didn't say how long it's been, but clearly it will be a bit longer before you ride it out. Just know that it will settle down eventually.

As for the guy you're with now... the two most likely things to happen are that he'll realize you're not that into him and he'll find a way out, or you'll come around and find something special about him. I'd bet on this being short-term either way, but that's fine, too. Most relationships do not have years to them. Enjoy it for what it is, and know someday you'll find something that works for you.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.