Dear DoubleTake,I met a soldier and we've have been dating for more than two years. Midway way through our dating, he proposed. No ring was ever presented, and then he was deployed to Iraq.We've maintained contact, but when he left he said that he didn't expect me to wait.I have waited somewhat, but I am getting mixed signals. I don't have a ring, but he proposed --but he didn't expect me to wait? I am confused.So should I continue to wait? Or should I start dating? Please help me make a decision.
BETTY SAYS:Having that ring on your finger really makes a difference when you want to tell the world, "Hey, I'm betrothed." Your boyfriend obviously didn't follow the traditional rules of engagement; otherwise he would have talked to one of your family members first and then presented a ring when he popped the question.
But the blame shouldnt be put on his shoulders entirely. Communication is key, and that breakdown is what's killing this relationship. It's hard enough trying to maintain quality time with your partner, let alone contact from half a world away.
Talk to your boyfriend about the so-called mixed signals. It's possible that the trauma of going to Iraq is weighing on him, and he wants to save you from some of that pain. Then ask the tough question: Does he want to be unattached while he's overseas?
If you decide to keep the love going strong, make sure that you both have a clear view of what's next in your relationship when he gets back, whether it's a long engagement or a speedy wedding.
EDDIE SAYS:Here's what I picture: "Do you ever picture us married?" "So, when do you think we'll get engaged?" "I really wish we were planning a wedding." "So, Angie's got a boyfriend. If she gets engaged before I do, I'll be so embarassed."
Finally, after hearing that sort of thing, your boyfriend asked you if you wanted to get married. Maybe he was just frustrated, maybe he wanted you to stop talking about it, maybe he convinced himself he wanted it too or wanted to make you happy.
Either way, he apparently didn't think it through. Or he changed his mind.
Maybe -- just maybe -- he really was trying to spare you pain and worry. But if you didn't have a huge, "Oh, no, I'll wait, I'll wait for you!" moment and a big hug, he probably figured he was off the hook.
You can try one last conversation about it, but if he still says he doesn't want you to wait, what he means is that he doesn't want you to be waiting around for him to have to deal with when he comes home.
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