Dear DoubleTake,I have a family member who has been married for about 9 years and has two children with his wife.He and a family friend have been having sex on the side for several years. She ended up pregnant, and now she has a child with him.He is now completely ignoring the other women because he fears what his wife might do.Do you think I should let his wife know what is going on? I would hate to be in her shoes and be in the dark about something like this.
BETTY SAYS:Although your heart's in the right place, things could go haywire in your own life if you say something, so stay out of it.
It sounds like this might work itself out anyway without your intervention. If your family member is indeed ignoring the family friend, some sort of blow-up could happen soon anyhow.
If this comes to pass, be modest and don't boast that you knew anything about the pregnancy. That could inflame your family member's wife, and she might punish you by cutting off your friendship.
It's certainly not fair for this wife to be left in the dark while her husband's philandering is out in the open. But when it comes to accountability, the truth has to come from the mother of her husband's child or the husband himself. If she hears about the pregnancy from any other sources, this could turn this into a big, swampy mess of confrontations, he-said, she-said, lies and backstabbing.
EDDIE SAYS:It sounds like the information you have on this comes from the family friend. Which means you have one version of the truth -- at best -- but certainly not the full situation.
Maybe the wife already knows and didn't blab about it to the whole family. Maybe the other woman is pushing him to leave his wife and is badmouthing him because he won't.
Or maybe it's exactly as she says.
Either way, what's really sad about this is that the kid will have to start out at such a disadvantage.
Regardless, it's not your place to go to the wife, especially since you don't know what she already knows. Maybe she sorta knows and doesn't want the details.
If you really want to push to bring this out in the open, I think you need to talk to your family member. Tell him that you know, that his mistress is spreading the news around town and that he should probably do the right thing and 'fess up while there's still time.
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