Husband Takes Wife On Date To Mom's House

Dear DoubleTake,
My husband and I have been married for six years and have two small children together. I am a stay-at-home mom, so needless to say I enjoy getting out of the house. I love going just about anywhere -- the beach, the zoo, the park.
My problem is that my husband isn’t interested in doing any of these things with us. He goes to work, comes home and plays video games. Oh, and visits his mother. That's it.
Every time we have a "date night" without the children we end up at his mother's. The last time this happened, he promised me that if we went to her house for a little while he would take me to a movie afterward. Then he refused to leave his mother's house, so we sat over there for several hours, as usual, and came straight home. We haven't been to a movie in three years.
On the rare occasion that we go out to dinner, he rushes me. He says that a meal isn't for enjoyment and to hurry and eat so we can leave.
At home he is very attentive, he tells me he loves me a million times a day, I know in my heart that he truly loves me and he's not cheating or anything. But why doesn't he want to spend any time with me or the kids outside of the house? I talk about taking vacations and he thinks the idea is stupid. He is not interested in having a life outside of this house, and it is pushing me away.
I want to do things with him, I want to be married to someone who enjoys spending time with me, yet when I voice these concerns he tells me that I am being immature and I just want to be single again. We are not even 30 yet, and I'm not ready to buy a rocking chair and sit on the porch and watch life pass me by. What should I do?

BETTY SAYS:

Homebodies are tough partners because they always choose comfort over adventure. You can't force your husband to give up his habits. But maybe some outing will eventually inspire him.

Make a schedule where a proper date night takes place once every other month. Then stick to it.

Bring up the subject nicely, and if he gets testy, just keep it on the positive side. Say things such as, "Won't it be great to go hiking this summer?" The agreement is only for six times a year, so whether it's a weekend away with the kids or dinner and a movie as a couple, it will be easy to come up with something fun to fill the time.

This way, he won't feel overwhelmed with planning expectations. When the time comes to have a date, you'll have an idea of what to do, and not just end up at your mother-in-law's house.

However, if he agrees to the dating schedule, that means you'll have to leave him alone about the video games.

EDDIE SAYS:

Betty's ideas might work. But they probably won't. If he doesn't want to go on vacation, hiking isn't likely to get him all excited, either. A good husband, however, should be able to suck it up and go and be pleasant every once in a while.

But even if he gets over that hurdle, I don't think an outing every two months will do that much to improve your outlook. You'll need to have more adventures -- or, at least, more time out of the house. It's sweet that you want to do it with your husband, but his reluctance to put down the control pad doesn't mean you have stick around to make sure he has a supply of Red Bull and potato chips.

Find things that you want to do and do them. Go to the movies you want to see, attend concerts in the park or go sit in a coffee shop. If you can find a friend to join you, even better. But if not, you shouldn't let his tendencies dictate everything about your life.

You might not get everything you want -- your husband as your escort -- but you will feel less trapped, and his habits will bother you less, making everyone happier.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.