Stay With Man Who Lied About Marriage?

Dear DoubleTake,
I have been dating my boyfriend for several months. Things were going great and I was really happy.
However, I found out a few days ago he lied to me about being married. I asked him on the first date if he was, is or had ever been married, and he said no.
He explained recently that he was married but is now divorced, and her Facebook page supports that. She is listed as living in their home town a few states away and is back to her maiden name.
The fact that he has a failed marriage matters not to me, it's only that he lied to me that has me concerned. Omitting something because it's too painful to talk about is completely different than bald-faced lying to me.
To make matters worse, two days later he left, saying he is on leave from the military. He didn't even say goodbye.
I have not heard from him since he left and I'm starting to wonder if I'm being taken for a ride. I wonder if he's really on leave; If he is, where did he go? Or is he sitting in his room allowing me to believe he's halfway across the country? Is he with his could-be-ex?
Lying is a huge pet peeve of mine, and I just don't know if I can trust anything he says again.

BETTY SAYS:

If telling lies is a dealbreaker for you, then he's certainly not the one you want. Being untruthful about his previous marital status seems like a small dent compared to the kind of unmentionable harm that could come from being with a serial liar.

The problem with his lying is that you'll constantly feel paranoid about where he is and spend too much time checking his Facebook page. If you're able to quell this behavior, you're a stronger person than most of us.

Decide whether he's worth forgiving or if you're willing to deal with the consequences of staying with someone whose track record for truth is smudged. If it bothers you that much, you want to let him move on to a woman who lies, too.

EDDIE SAYS:

Does lying matter to you a lot, or does it not? You claim it does, but when faced with very clear evidence that he won't be honest about big things -- and that he wants to slink away -- you waver on what to do.

I bet he was lying about other things, as well. Sure he is really in the military? Have you seen him in uniform or visited him at the base?

Some people hide things or stay secretive at the beginning. But someone who lies about huge thing -- and I think we can all agree that marriage qualifies -- will likely feel just dandy lying about small things, as well. And you don't even say that he tried to claim a good reason, he just wanted to say what you wanted to hear and, probably, try to get you to go home with him.

Leave and don't look back.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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