Eat To Win!

For those of you wondering where I was last week, Alton Brown was in town holding a class at a local cooking school. More on that in upcoming weeks!

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to participate in a yearly event known as the Picklethon at Katz's Deli here in Houston. The object of this little shindig was to consume as much of a 3-pound container of dill pickles as possible in five minutes.

It should be noted that, while this Katz's in Houston.bears no business connection to the world-famous Katz's deli in New York City (as seen on FoodTV and just about every other "sights of New York" show).

If you're ever in Houston and craving the finest pastrami, corned beef, beef firedogs and noodle kugel on the planet, give Chef Barry a try. He'll fix you right up.

Being a person of somewhat larger-than-normal dimensions, I was picked as a favorite in the contest and was even interviewed by a morning show feature reporter. It was thus with some small measure of confidence that I surveyed the field of contestants and got ready to send them all packing.

This would be the point at which you remember the old saying about pride going before a fall.

At the end of five minutes of pickle-cramming, jaw-busting, stomach-churning effort, the remnants of my pickle bucket were whisked away for weighing along with those of the other contestants. Barry Katz, owner of the establishment, soon took his place at the lectern and proceeded to announce the winners. I was not announced as third place ... or second ... or first. In fact, when all was said and done the winner, a skinny little fellow who looked as if a stiff breeze might give him trouble walking, beat me by almost a full half-pound.

I'm not the first "person of size" to be embarrassed in an eating contest.

For fans of competitive eating contests, the Holy Grail is Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest on Coney Island in New York, held every July 4. Nathan's is the epitome of the classic American hot dog joint, founded in 1916 by Nathan Handwerker with a princely $300 investment. Nathan's sells thousands of dogs a week, and if you're lucky, you can find Nathan's franks in the refrigerated meat case of your local grocers.

For decades, the contest was dominated by a succession of large-scale American guys, the sort you find at the center of any county fair eating contest, usually holding the trophy.

Competitive eating has evolved beyond such small-town contests, however. There is now, I am not making this up, an International Federation of Competitive Eating. The federation promotes, regulates and conducts eating contests ranging from conch fritters in Key West, Fla., to sea bass in Thailand to pommes frites in London.

Central on its schedule, of course, is the Nathan's contest, which for the first eight decades of the contest was dominated by guys with last names like Krachie, Washburn and Dellarossa.

The competitive eating world was rocked to its foundations in 2000, however, when little-known Japanese competitor Kazutoyo Arai, tipping the scales at a gigantic 165 pounds, not only won, but set the world record by downing 25½ hot dogs in 12 minutes.

If that wasn't enough, the next year Arai's countryman, Takeru Kobayashi, who sported a shock of dyed yellow hair and a build even slimmer than Arai, took things from amazing to just about freakish by nearly doubling the world record. He consumed 50½ hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes.

Now sit and think about that for a moment, friends and neighbors. Remember the last time you had hot dogs. You probably felt comfortably full after two or three, and if you went to four or five you were couch-bound for a few hours to let the wad digest.

Multiply that by a factor of 10.

Perhaps I should add that my new hero, Takeru, is also the world record holder in consumption of *shudder* cow brains, having downed 17.7 pounds in 15 minutes.

Oh, yes, friends, the IFOCE doesn't just challenge its members to eat mundane things like hot dogs and pizza. Some of the notable record holders from their files include:

Let's stop and ponder that last for just a moment. I want you to try and envision the arterial impact of shoveling EIGHT POUNDS of gooey, egg-laden mayo down the hatch at one sitting.

Now would be a good time to note that reverse peristalsis (otherwise known as hurling, barfing, yakking or the technicolor yawn) is grounds for disqualification.

Now, lest you think that there's no room for amateurs anymore, the IFOCE sanctions but a TINY portion of the eating contests held worldwide every year. I'm sure there's a restaurant or club somewhere in your town that hosts a festival of gullet-stuffing delight at some point during which the average person might have a chance.

It's spring, time to shake off that winter rust, and go out and enjoy the bright sunshine and mild temperatures. What better way to do so than by matching palates against fellow gourmands?

Million-Dollar Munching

Lest you think that competitive eating is silly, or that you shouldn't waste your time on it, in last night's "Survivor," one lone wood grub stood between Deena and immunity, and she chose to not even TRY to down it. Guess who got sent home?

All hail Matt, who not only ATE the grub, which may I add was ALIVE, and a good four inches long, he swallowed that puppy whole.

Got a comment? Question? Recipe to share? Drop me a line anytime!