'Tis The Season For Store-Bought Egg Nog

When I was 11 years old, I undertook a cooking experiment that is at least partially responsible for me becoming the adventurous foodie I am today: I made eggnog.

Left alone at home for a protracted period during the holidays, I was craving that rich holiday treat, which I'd tasted for the very first time the previous Christmas. Deep in the recesses of one of my mother's Southern Living cookbooks, I found the recipe, requiring that eggs be separated and the yolks cooked with sugar and other ingredients while the whites were whipped to soft peaks with more sugar.

I had never separated an egg, and in fact had no earthly idea how to even begin to do so. I didn't know what "soft peaks" were. I'd made pancakes and had a few other cooking adventures, but this looked like the big leagues. With the fearlessness that comes from being young and having someone else paying for all the groceries, I waded in. It only took me four eggs to figure out the separating, and I guessed at the "soft peaks" part of things.

And you know what? It was good, with an insane richness and buttery-smooth flavor that made it hard not to drink the entire batch at one sitting. I was hooked.

It wasn't until my late teens that I discovered eggnog was actually available at the grocery store in ready-to-drink form. It's fortunate that I was otherwise distracted by things like girls, cars and college admissions or it might have gotten ugly.

Over the years, I've tried to ignore it when the first containers of eggnog appear in the dairy case of the grocery store. Inevitably, usually midway between Thanksgiving and Yule, my resolve cracks and I buy a jug or two. It's never quite as good as that first batch, but some eggnog is better than none.

In short, I am something of an eggnog expert. In this comparison, I've sampled six major-brand nogs, including one organic and one egg-less soy version. Each entry is rated on aroma, flavor, mouth feel and color and given a letter grade. Nutritional information, for those brave enough to look, is provided for each entry.

Horizon Organic Low-Fat: 140 calories, 3 grams fat, 40 mg cholesterol, 130 mg sodium, 22 grams carbs.

Low-fat eggnog sounds like an oxymoron, but Horizon managed to pull it off fairly well. The flavor was spot-on, but that tongue-coating richness that you'd expect was almost completely missing, and the taste faded quickly. The color was a bit artificially yellow, although there were no colorants listed on the ingredients. Perhaps the organic eggs have more yellow yolks? Final grade: B-.

Sealtest Traditional Holiday: 190 calories, 9 grams carbs, 55 mg cholesterol, 150 mg sodium, 23 grams carbs.

This one was really very average. It was a bit creamy, not very rich, with a muted note of nutmeg. It tasted more like milk into which some egg nog had been stirred, which is especially odd given the fat content. The color was a rich yellow, which was just about the only thing rich about the experience. Final grade: D

Southern Comfort Traditional: 200 calories, 9 grams fat, 65 mg cholesterol, 100 mg sodium, 25 grams carbs.

Here we have a case of an egg nog in search of a mixer. Southern Comfort, a name anyone south of the Mason-Dixon line knows as a favorite at cocktail hour, has created an egg nog that seems to be waiting for you to add some of the parent company's signature tipple to complete it. None of the flavor notes quite finish the job, and the nutmeg is especially nonpresent. It was rich, but that was about it. Final grade: C.

Silk Soy Nog: 90 calories, 3 grams fat, 0 cholesterol, 75 mg sodium, 15 grams carbs.

I've enjoyed Silk soy milk off and on for years, most especially when my better half was cutting out dairy for a while and we switched to soy milk. The vanilla milk is great, very rich and flavorful. This egg-less nog, however, should really have stayed on the drawing board. There's a weird metallic edge to the flavor, which isn't so much noggy as noxious. The flavor palate is a complete muddle, coming off like several different ideas on how to mimic eggnog all thrown into the same blender. Final grade: F.

Borden Ultra-Pasteurized: 170 calories, 9 grams fat, 60 mg cholesterol, 100 mg sodium, 17 grams carbs.

I was highly skeptical of this egg nog, sold in a can and frequently found on store shelves rather than in the dairy case. But it's good stuff, with a nicely balanced bit of spice and a mellow, creamy mouth feel. There was no trace of "canned" taste. The only downcheck was a bit of over-sweetening. Final grade: A-

Promised Land All-Natural: 200 calories, 11 grams fat, 45 mg cholesterol, 60 mg sodium, 23 grams carbs.

This will be the most expensive egg nog in most grocery stores, and this is one case in which you most definitely get what you pay for. It is beyond rich without being heavy, with sweet and spice balanced perfectly. The aroma alone will put an inch on your waist. Don't buy this one if you're planning to mix it with liquor … that would be a waste. Final grade: A+.