My Humbug Husband

When I said, "I do," a few months ago, I knew the guy I was marrying. But life, especially married life, wouldn't be fun without the little surprises.

Now that I've finally settled into this thing called matrimony, my husband reveals that he's a holiday hater. Not only does he hate presents, he generally hates Christmas.

How can this be? The last few Christmases were fine. We spent more time with our families than each other, but I didn't detect any anti-holiday sentiment.

I understand how the commercialization of the holiday leads some people down a nonspiritual path on a religious holiday.

But for as long as I've experienced it, Christmas is one of the best times going. My family loves to find the perfect gifts, and the holiday is all about spending time together -- not just opening presents but eating, relaxing and braving the winter weather.

Jack struggles to find the fun in it. It's all about where he has to be at a certain time. Working in the news business like he does, holidays usually mean being on the job while everyone is out playing.

As I try to encourage my humbug hubby to catch the spirit, it's even more difficult to accept that this year my traditions are changing with my changing family life.

Every year, my mother has family and friends over for Christmas Eve. My brothers and I spend the night at the house with our grandparents.

The hitch this year is that my mother-in-law also hosts a Christmas Eve event. Now we have to pick, when Mr. Scrooge would rather skip it all. It's too much hassle, so why bother, he thinks.

I realize that family dealings can be quite hassling at times, but Christmas is sacred where I come from, so it's not an option to miss it.

The compromise we arrived at is Christmas Eve with his parents, Christmas Day with mine.

That sounds good, but it's hard to imagine not waking up at my childhood home for the first time in my life.

I know it's not the same as when I was a kid when I would wake up by 5 a.m. and rush to see the gifts under the tree.

But it was our tradition, and now I'm the first to change it. Even though my brothers are older and in serious relationships, with no wedding bands they aren't forced to modify their holiday experiences.

I can deal with the changes, and my parents and family will adjust. But when I agree to modify my traditions, I would like Jack to modify his attitude.

He isn't totally unbearable, but I hate hearing the negative comments and his negotiations to spend as little time as we have to at events.

"I'll go, but we're leaving by 8," he says.

That makes him sound worse than he is, but any resistance to what I see as fun activities is hard to bear. There are only so many holidays, right?

That's not to say he doesn't get the presents right. He's amazing with birthday presents, and seems to enjoy giving them. I let him slide (nearly) on Valentine's Day, his least favorite "Hallmark holiday."

He doesn't ask for gifts because he doesn't like the attention or money being spent on him. But I didn't hear him complain about the PlayStation 2 I got him last year.

So here I am, just days until Christmas, and as I decorate the house and stamp the cards, I'm stuck trying to interest my better half in a better mindset.

Part of me wants to tell him to just be quiet and not ruin my Christmas, but what would it be without him?

So, this year I'm going to do my best to help him move past his holiday frustrations. Otherwise, I've tried to help him relax -- braving the malls without him and wrapping the gifts on my own.

I even noticed him smile a bit when I decorated the bannister in garland and lights.

In the meantime, he just wants me to understand that it's hard for him to enjoy Christmas when people don't really celebrate it the way it was intended.

I try to understand. But I cherish Christmas despite the business that goes along with it.

I can't change him, and I don't want to. I guess I'll just have to call in some reinforcements to help him relax while I enjoy the family time.

Nothing a little egg nog can't cure.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.