Bellyaches Don't Mean It's Baby Time

Before I was married, a stomachache was just a stomachache. These days, it's seen as quite a bit more than that.

When I tell a friend, co-worker or stranger of my pains, the first response I hear is, "You know what that means: morning sickness."

Yes, that's right. I must be pregnant. I mean, I am married. Isn't that what married people do?

I'm not too thrilled about people jumping to suggest I'm with child, but it's all part of the baby bug that seems to spread the older my body and marriage get.

Why is it OK to suggest it's time for babies when so many of us are trying not to get pregnant?

A single friend of mine recently had a pregnancy scare. She sneaked over to the pharmacy to pick up one of those tests the commercials make look so easy. As she went to pay, the clueless cashier exclaimed, "A baby? Congratulations! You must be so excited."

My friend turned red and tried to be inconspicuous. She couldn't really explain that she didn't want to be pregnant, because that would sound bad. She's old enough, right?

Having children is a wonderful experience, I'm sure, and I have always been upfront about my desire to have a family. But there is a time for everything; now is the time for people to stay out of my business.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait until I'm truly up for the crying, dirty diapers and whatever other mess children can create.

It is harder to dismiss the baby vibes now that I'm married. It's not like I'm too young or still in school.

Jack seems to be catching the baby fever himself. A few days ago, he suggested we have one. I couldn't believe my ears. Usually he says we need to pay off my student loans first or lists other stipulations, but he knows what he wants.

It's a nice thought, but it's not like buying a pet. I can't imagine how different life will be when we do have children.

That's when it will stop being about just Jack and me. Once we have children we can't be selfish, we can't plan last-minute trips -- even to the movies.

I don't know any parents who say the changes and sacrifices aren't worth it, but I don't think we should rush to lose that freedom just yet.

Yet it is tempting as I watch the babies being born around me, especially to people I've known for years.

My ex-boyfriend's recent newborn got me thinking. We grew up together in college, and now he's not only a husband, but a father to a beautiful little girl. Another childhood friend had a son not too long ago and can't stop talking about how amazing it is.

Then there is Jack's coworker, who married shortly before us and who now has a baby on the way. As Jack watches her progress, he wonders when his wife will go through the same thing.

Seeing others I relate to go through this life-changing experience makes it seem more doable.

But what about our plans to enjoy our marriage first? What about taking time to travel and not worry about any little ones other than our dogs?

Jack agrees, but I know he'll be ready before I will. He's got six years on me, and he doesn't feel the need to wait as long as I do.

But he'll wait, and so will I. There may be no perfect time, but we'll figure out an almost perfect time together.

Meanwhile, it's time to stop the baby talk directed at me. Being married doesn't mean I'm automatically a baby maker. I've got a lot of other plans in the works that don't involve a mini-me.

Until I'm ready, a bellyache is a bellyache. You can keep any other diagnoses to yourself.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.