Does Looking Online Hurt?

What my husband looks at on the Internet won't hurt me -- unless the objects of his late-night surfing are naked women.

Last weekend, I visited a friend a few states away and my husband was left to his own devices.

When I returned Sunday and checked my e-mail, I also cleared the cache of my Web browser, as I always do.

Unfortunately, I actually looked at the temporary Internet files before deleting them. I noticed a few sites that stood out from his favorite sports sites and online banking account.

Being the curious type, I visited some of the sites staining the Web cache. Silly me to think that a site containing the words "girlz" and "free" might actually be something other than sinister.

I don't want to bother you with the specifics of the adult content I found; I'll just say I came across some rather adventurous women (labeled as teens) in pretty uncomfortable positions.

I know my husband is a man, and men find pornography entertaining. I also know Jack isn't the type to spend hours on end looking at the stuff. Twenty minutes here and there shouldn't be a problem, right?

My gut reaction was quite the opposite. I felt violated and disgusted.

How can he enjoy that when it just turns my stomach? What is he missing from our relationship that he has to look at strange girls in strange positions?

I was introduced to gratuitous nudity early on when I stumbled upon my oldest brother and his friends watching "Revenge of the Nerds." I even remember finding an outdated issue of "Playboy" in the basement once. It grossed me out even then to see women that way -- and men consuming it so readily.

It didn't help that my high school boyfriend sat me down with an explicit video one day against my wishes.

My friend Amy told me that she hates the whole porn thing, but she chooses not to think about her boyfriend watching it or ogling other women.

Turning a blind eye is hard when the dirty laundry is on the computer we share.

I wish there was a behavior I could do that would make me feel balanced. But there is no "if you can't beat them, join them" in this one -- grabbing a copy of "Playgirl" doesn't suit me.

Yet if it's not an addiction and it doesn't interfere with our daily life, what harm can it do? I have heard stories of men who horde videos and magazines, frequent strip clubs and just can't get enough of other women. That's not my husband at all.

As my astute friend (and Web voyeur) Mike points out, surfing for chicks is harmless fun unless it carries a virus and screws up the computer.

Perhaps it's time to teach my husband how to empty the cache on his own -- not to hide his Web travels but just to keep the computer clean for when I need it.

In the meantime, I'll just accept Mike's assurance that a big part of the pleasure is the visual shock, which he calls the "whoa factor."

So I'll learn to handle my husband's every-so-often explorations of the whoa factor when I'm not around.

I know I don't have to compete with any other women -- cyber or real -- for his attention.

And if something upsets me the next time I log on, I'll keep the digital camera handy and leave him a few reminders of how photogenic I can be.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.