Office Romance: Risky Business?

Your "water cooler chats" with that cute co-worker are becoming more lengthy, and you find yourself going to the break room more often just to see if he is there.

He's getting downright jittery from consuming so much coffee just on the off chance you two might bump into each other. It's becoming harder to deny the sparks that fly each time you're together.

But the question looms: Should you start an office romance?

Once taboo, office romances are becoming more common. In a survey conducted by Vault.com, a Web site that focuses on career information, nearly 50 percent of respondents said they had been involved in at least one office romance. Another 19 percent said they would if the opportunity arose.

One of the main reasons more employees are hooking up at work is that people are simply spending more time at the office, according to Karen Card, a relationships coach whose book "From Here To Engagement" is due out this spring. More time at the office means less time to spend looking for a mate, she said.

Card, who believes people need to seek companionship outside work, said there's usually very little good that comes out of an office romance.

"The one benefit is, you can carpool," she said.

Card said just because the fireworks go off when you're around a co-worker doesn't mean letting an office romance blossom is a good idea.

"Many times people are spending so much time at work that they don't have time to look for romance outside of the office," she said. "But just because (work romances) happen frequently doesn't mean it is the best choice for you personally or professionally."

It Can Work

Of course, there are many happy couples that met at work who would argue with Card.

One such couple, Brad and Amy (not their real names), have been married for nearly a year. They credit their employer for bringing them together.

The two had known each other peripherally in college, and had even hung out together with mutual friends shortly after graduation, but nothing jelled until years later, when Amy wound up at the same company where Brad worked -- and where they both continue to be employed.

"It was often suggested to us by mutual friends that we should consider dating, but there was never a right time before being co-workers," Brad said. "As soon as she started working in the office, I realized how happy I was to see her, and we realized we had so much common ground from our college days."

"(Brad) wasn't available at the time, however," Amy said. "I waited to make any move beyond hellos at the office until his then-relationship started to fizzle -- that was about a year after I started working there."

Both Amy and Brad said that even though they waited a while, they had some concerns about starting an office romance.

"This was not my first work romance, and I was worried that I was continuing an unhealthy trend," Brad said.

"Brad's ex worked there and continued to work there for several months after he and I started dating," Amy said. "I dreaded running into her around the office. But outside of that issue, I had very little concern. He and I had a strong friendship, and I had little doubt it would work."

Can Be Risky

Despite those happy successes, Card said most office romances are risky. Card advises that although you have stars in your eyes, you both need to take a close look at how you will feel when you're outed.

"How will your co-workers feel when they find out you are dating a colleague -- or even the boss? Even when you try to keep an office romance quiet, it doesn't stay quiet," Card said.

Celia (not her real name) knows all about the office grapevine. She met her husband, Jeff (another pseudonym), when they were working in the same department. They both still work at the same company, although they are in different departments now, which Celia said has made both married life and work life easier.

When they first started dating, Celia and Jeff wanted to keep their blossoming romance quiet at their workplace, but found that it was impossible.

"Our plan was to keep the fact that we were dating a secret," Celia said. "Neither of us are the touchy-feely type, so we thought we could get away with it. But something in our vibe must have changed, because people guessed almost immediately.

"It was more embarrassing than anything; we both felt like nerds for not having a 'life' outside of work."

Card said dating someone outside the office means you don't have to hide your feelings.

"Keeping a relationship hidden is not emotionally healthy for either partner. Turning your love and affection off during the day and back on after 5 p.m. is very hard to do," she said.

Disagreements Possible

Another reason to think twice about dating someone in-house: Arguments happen.

"If you work with your partner, it will cause increased tension at work -- especially if one partner's position is superior to the other, or if you are working on the same team," Card said. "Will you be able to treat (your partner) with respect at the office even if you think they are being a jerk at home? Not seeing each other during the day helps distract couples from their personal arguments and relieves some tension so they can communicate better when they get together at the end of the day."

Even though they are happily married, Brad said he and Amy have had a few moments where work and home life have collided.

"Problems have arisen a few times," he said. "In a 'normal' relationship, when your significant other says, 'Co-worker X was such a jerk today,' all you have to do to is be supportive and say, 'I'm sorry your co-workers are jerks.'

"But in a work relationship, you often feel the urge to explain your co-workers or justify their actions, and you sometimes say something less supportive, such as, 'That's because Co-worker Y dumped a huge project on Co-worker X, and with Co-worker Z out of the office, they're struggling ...' But that may not be the support your significant other needs."

While the couples interviewed have not seen any ill effects to their careers from their office romances, Card said there is the potential for damaged reputations, lost promotions, or, in the case of some companies that prohibit office romances, the loss of a job or both jobs.

At the very least, Card said, there is a very strong possibility that things at the office could become uncomfortable if the relationship ends.

Amy, Brad and Celia all said that, despite their success stories, they don't recommend workplace romances.

"Office romances can easily can become stressful and claustrophobic," Brad said. "I think they usually fail. A co-worker is a captive audience for your affection, but it doesn't mean they're the right audience."

"You can always stop going to the bar where you met an ex, but you can't so easily stop going to your workplace to avoid that 'skeleton,' Amy said. "In general, I think it's healthier for a couple to go to two separate workplaces, if for no other reason than that you'd have more stories to tell each other."

And for those busy people with no time to find dates outside the workplace?

Card recommends online dating, speed dating, singles events and simply getting the word out to everyone that you're available. She said after a short time, you will be so busy dating that you won't have time to consider an office romance.