Oink, Oink: We're Not All Pigs, Fortunately

Well, it's official: We're living in a world of slobs.

Oh, and just for the record, I'm the "sickest and rudest" person ever born and I should be booted off the Internet. (Could whoever is responsible for booting people off the Internet please get in touch with me? I've got a really long list of names for you.)

Several weeks ago, I asked readers to tell me whether they -- like me -- believed that manners have gone by the wayside. (That means "disappeared from the face of the earth without a trace.")

They told me. Read on ...

From Denny: "Manners are supposed to be taught in the home.

"The evening meal was once a family ritual, with parents requiring the attendance of all members at the dinner table. Parents were the teachers of such principals as 'Wash your hands,' 'Don't slouch,' 'Eat with your mouth closed,' 'Chew your food,' and the list goes on.

"With family members pulled in different directions, parents are not fulfilling some of their basic responsibilities. And now society has bred a generation of ill-mannered pigs who lack the most basic skills.

"You are also at blame. When you see someone who shows no basic manners, maybe some good could be derived by letting the attending parent(s) know that he/she are not doing their job." (Yeah, right. I'll be sure to march up to the pig's parents and say, "Hey, you loser, can't you teach your moron kid to eat like a human being instead of a pig?" You first, Denny.)

From Wendy: "How about a husband who sneezes in the car (while driving) and doesn't bother to cover his mouth, spraying the entire inside of the windshield and leaves it there! I KNOW his mother taught him to cover his mouth, but he doesn't care ..." (

From yet another Wendy: "Manners are, for a large number of people, a thing of fiction. We live in a society where people treat everything, including each other, as disposable. You'll find the effects of this in the crime rate, the education system, on the job ... everyone looks out for Number One, so get out of my way. It stinks. Manners, politeness, even simple common courtesy, are in a sense for other people's benefit. And seeing the only person who matters anymore is ... well ... you get the point."

From Steve: "It's not just table manners, it's a general lack of consideration for others. If you go to the mall or the local mega-store, people are oblivious. They stop in the middle of the aisle and contemplate the situation while the rest of the people in the aisle try to find their way around them. People have no idea that they are not the only person in the universe. And God help you if you ask them to move aside or say 'Excuse me.' I've had people turn and yell at me because I had the nerve to say 'Excuse me' and try to get past them.

"Many people have no social conscience and do not recognize manners in others. Many times displaying social graces is taken as a sign of weakness. If you think so little of your own importance to be polite to others, I don't think you're important enough for me to be polite to. If you see the manners of others as a weakness and do not appreciate the courtesy of others, you will not see any benefit in acting courteously toward others."

From Joanne: "I've observed -- on a daily basis -- a young lady who works in the same building that I do. Our offices share the restrooms, and she and I seem to be on the same schedule. She does wash her hands, but then dries them, opens the door to leave with the paper towel, not her hand touching the door handle, then throws the paper towel on the floor. I've also come upon the woman at the sink repairing her makeup, and the wipes she uses she also throws on the floor. Can you believe it?

"We have a smoking area out in front of our office. There are numerous containers with sand for the employees to put their ashes and finished cigarettes in. But no, the sidewalk is absolutely littered with cigarette butts. Must be a real tough job to put the cigarette out in the containers provided.

"Then there are the drivers. I'm an adult female who doesn't always drive at the posted speed limit, but folks pass me going at least 20 mph faster than I am. Even when I'm passing and in the left lane, some yahoo will come screeching up to my back bumper (even though they know I can't go faster than the car ahead of me) and keep riding my bumper until I let them by. I've even had people keep bumping my bumper in STOPPED TRAFFIC. Unbelievable."

From someone who calls himself or herself Twink: "I think I would have had to write a comment to the mother (I'm not sure I could give her that title role) and have the waitress deliver it (from an unknown source, of course -- let her wonder just who around her is thinking these thoughts). And I'm so tired of hearing parents say, 'This is all they will wear,' 'The body piercing is just a phase they are going through,' 'The dyed hair is just an expression of their inner self.' Get real. Parents allow their kids to rule them. What's wrong with the old response, 'Not while in MY house'? Or better yet, what's wrong with 'No' and 'Sit up straight and eat like a civilized young man (or woman)'?"

From Mark: "Ever go into a Mexican restaurant and listen to slobs who cannot eat chips without first closing their mouth around the chip so everyone in the place has to hear them crunching away like some carnivore on the Discovery Channel?

"Or people who seem to think it's OK to blow their damn snoot in public while sitting at a restaurant filled with dinners? Or even worse, they use the cloth napkin and leave it there to be picked up by some unsuspecting waiter or waitress who has no idea that they are putting their hands in someone's snot and then continuing on to serve food to others.

"Disgusting pigs is what I see a lot of these days. Everywhere you look you see people who have absolutely no manners or public discreetness."

From Rae: "Oh, my, yes! Where have all the manners gone?!? I remember the day when just a LOOK from my parents could straighten me up faster than anything. These days, I give teens so many 'looks,' and they just look right back at me, clueless!"

From someone with such a distinctive first name that I'm not going to mention it, for reasons that will be obvious: "We have a grandson, 10 now. He can't sit still at the dinner table. He has always something to play in his hands. He is not finished eating, but he takes off running somewhere. His father, our son, says, 'He is just a kid, this is a new world for him!' A lot in this world is getting worse, not just table manners. We can't figure out why."

From another Steve, whose subject line was "Abhorrent adolescent behavior": "I think this problem started when parents abdicated their dictatorial role and decided to be their children's friends. Now children think they have 'rights' and that they have an overriding say. They know all the guilt trips such as 'home alone' and 'no quality time.' And they know how to use them."

From Pat: "When I was growing up, going to a restaurant was an event, and not one taken lightly. You wore your 'good clothes,' brushed your hair and brushed your teeth, 'washed up' and pretty much used manners as if you were headed to church instead of out to eat. You behaved yourself so that three or four months from then you were included when the family went out to eat again. Today, it is not uncommon for kids to eat out several times a week. It is no longer an 'event' but somehow their God-given right."

From Laura: "Manners are definitely deteriorating. For kids' lack of manners I blame the parents (even though I am one). We're so busy, we just don't take the time to teach our kids good manners. As for table manner, families rarely eat together at the table anymore. I confess, I don't usually see how my kids act at the table unless we go out. They are learning their table manners in the school lunchroom. Scary at best.

"I work for a metro area library system, and what I've seen is appalling. Maybe it has something to do with some parents' attitudes toward their kids too. I actually had one woman ask to stash her baby (in an infant seat) behind the desk like a bookbag while she browsed. Another was angry when I refused to let her son ride his tricycle into the library.

"On the other hand, when I'm out with my kids and correct them (put that down, stop touching, napkin in your lap, etc.) I get funny looks from other adults. Maybe the adults never learned what's polite."

From Jean: "I think you're absolutely right about teenagers not having manners anymore; however, it seems to me like a lot of their parents are suffering from a lack of manners as well. It just seems to get worse as each generation passes. My parents would have whacked me up alongside the head if I would have behaved like that. Just an FYI for you: I always wash my hands after visiting the restroom, etc.; again, it's kind of frightening knowing how many people DON'T."

And from Roy, who answered my speculation about whether the kid I saw eating like a pig in a restaurant had been raised by wolves: "No, the young man you saw was not raised by wolves. Alpha male wolves occasionally eat their young, and NO WAY would this punk have made it to puberty."

As always, of course, there were those who took exception to what I wrote. (I'm pretty sure that I could write a column reminding people not to pull out a gun and shoot people in a random fashion, and I'd get nasty e-mails from readers who would castigate me for bad-mouthing guns and implying that people actually shoot other people.)

From Bradley, a paranoid sort who apparently interpreted my at-large question ("Do you wash your hands after using the restroom?") to be directed specifically at him: "That is about the sickest and rudest question that I have ever heard and I think you need to be booted of the Internet. And I do wash my hands just for info." (This is excellent news. Go ahead and shake hands with Bradley. But make him take off his aluminum foil hat and put down his AK-47 first.)

From a nameless (and apparently easily offended) person: "Don't you know that it's bad manners to curse? Obviously you were trying to make a point. But it's a lack of manners all the same. Get off your high horse." (I believe this holier-than-thou type objected to my use of the word "damn." For heaven's sake, nobody take him to a movie, OK? He'd faint dead away.)

From Amy: "I think you need to stop criticizing the youth and remember that manners are learned from people who were the age we are now. These kids are really going to resent being ostracized and vote differently, when we are not able to get out of a nursing home for our errand to vote. Remember when you were that age and didn't like being misrepresented because of your age. Smoking and drinking of liquor is down 40 percent from my generation among teens and I am 26. These kids have more social sensibilities than you think." (Now that is truly frightening: nursing homes full of little old ladies named Tiffany and Brittany. Thank God I'll be dead.)

And finally, from Heather, whose pleasant little e-mail had this in the subject line: "The world is just teeming with busybodies -- and you're one of them:" "Not washing your hands after going to the bathroom is gross and extremely unsanitary. Slurping soda and cramming your face with food is bad manners. They are not one in (sic) the same.

"Do you think that Mom's embarassment was lessened by you and your friend gawking and staring? You apparently know very little about manners yourself, and even less about teenagers. Mom did the right thing by ignoring her son's rude behavior. She also seemed to be setting a good example, and, in the long run, that is what the kid will remember.

"Also, what people do in their vehicles during rush hour is not your business. If you don't like it, then stop looking. Duh!" (OK. When I wasn't trying to figure out Heather's reasoning that the kid's mother shouldn't have corrected his behavior, I am trying like crazy to stop imagining what it is that she does in her car during rush hour that she doesn't want others to look at. I'm not succeeding. Ugh.)

Next week: why you shouldn't pull out a gun and shoot others in a random fashion.

• Past Culture Shocked columns

Note: Betsy's pop culture column, Culture Shocked, appears every week in our Entertainment section. She welcomes your questions and comments.

Want to be notified by e-mail of the newest edition of Culture Shocked? Click here.