'Dear Liberal Horse Face ...'

I might as well face facts: I'm going straight to hell.

No passing "Go," no collecting $200. I've been condemned to eternal damnation so many times that I really ought to be eligible for frequent-sinner miles.

I shouldn't be surprised. Whenever I write anything about homosexuals or Regis Philbin, I get inundated by nasty e-mails. (I can't even imagine what would happen if I wrote a column questioning Reege's sexual orientation. The mind boggles.)

So. Last week I wrote a column praising Vermont legislators for having the courage to pass a same-sex "civil union" law, which would give gay and lesbian couples the same benefits as married couples. I also applauded the U.S. Supreme Court for agreeing to decide whether the Boy Scouts can constitutionally bar gays from serving as troop leaders.

I was promptly pilloried, vilified, tarred, feathered, taken to task and hung out to dry. Take a look:

• "We don't try to convert you, we pray for you and it is our duty to inform people of their sin in a loving way. Only God can change a heart, and He will whether here on earth or while we stand in front of Him. It is our love for ALL people made in God's image that compel us to witness to people, love the sinner, hate the sin. ... The gay lifestyle goes against what the Lord tells us, so does murder, adultery, etc., etc. Marriage as decreed by God (the inventor of marriage) is the union of a man and a woman, forever. Why do we get married in a church in front of our priest or pastor?"

• "Why is it that you and others that are in favor of gay rights are hip, right, and 'moral,' but everyone who isn't is a bigot or ignorant, etc.? At least most of those that oppose gay rights/issues have the word of God -- His Bible -- as our defense (if you read and interpret the Bible as God wrote it -- not as man defines/distorts it)." (I love this one. Apparently this writer's managed to figure out a way to interpret the Bible without letting the fact that she's a human, and not God, get in the way. No mean trick.)

• "I wanted to make a point to you. You are just as bigoted as the 'self-righteous, holier-than-thou pontificators.' You say how closed-minded they are, but you are just the same. The only difference between you and them is the side of the line (you're) on. Them on the right and you on the left. Aren't we all supposed to respect other people's opinions? You are certainly not doing that. Or are they supposed to respect your opinion and let you trample on their own?" (Well, sure. Sounds like a good plan to me. Thanks for suggesting it.)

• "I don't consider myself a 'right-wing fundamentalist' as you call them, but they surely have the gay and lespian (sic) lifestyle correct. One doesn't have to be a Baptist to recognize an abhorrant (sic) life CHOICE when it presents itself. Vermont's action is disgusting. But you're right about one thing -- I would remove my child from any class taught by a known gay or lespian (sic). Let the Catholics convert them, the Baptists, or a doomsday cult, but I want no one telling my kids that the gay and lespian (sic) lifestyle is acceptable." (Boy, your kids sure are lucky. Congratulate them for me, won't you?)

• "It never ceases to amaze me (or sicken me for that matter) how 'you people' seem to think that repetitively telling the public that 'gay is OK' will eventually lead to people accepting the lies that gays were born that way or should not be criticized for what they do. What you do as a gay person is a CHOICE you make every day when you get up. YOU DECIDE to behave in a gay manner each day, and you SHOULD be criticized for it.

  "Don't be upset. Normal people criticizing homosexuals benefits society as a whole by helping to keep a sense of normality. Yes, NORMALITY. It is what everyone else is and you are not (just in case you needed me to answer your 'what is normal, anyway?' question for you). People criticizing homosexuals helps keep society in balance against its own sad tendency towards perversion. If legislation ever passes keeping people from freely expressing their negativity about your perverted, ABNORMAL behavior, It will be the beginning of the end of free speech in America (gee, that's your right, too!). Remember that it is this right that keeps people from shutting you up altogether."

  (I hate to break it to this guy, who sets a new standard for sanctimonious smugness, but I'm not gay. Honest. Ask my husband. However, I really am tickled that I've heard from someone to whom the rule "Judge not that ye be judged" apparently doesn't apply.)

• "If you are a Christian Miss, I suggest that you read the book of Revelations to see just what God's plans are for homosexuals. You are probably an atheist. If so, I will be praying for you, and all of the other spiritually dead sodomites in this country. Read your history. One of the fastest ways known to destroy a society, empire etc. is to introduce rampant homosexuality. You need to know that there is a clear delineation between right and wrong and a superior being to us has left us a set of rules to live by. If those rules were obeyed, it would save a lot of heartache and pain and suffering." ("Spiritually dead sodomites"? Sounds like a new rock group.)

  

• And this writer apparently used up all his (perhaps somewhat limited) wit on his opening line, because this was the extent of the message: "Dear liberal horse face."

As always, though, I was encouraged last week to see that I'll have plenty of company on my inevitable journey to the netherworld (there seem to be a lot of other "spiritually dead sodomites" out there):

• "In reading your article on 'would-be gay bigamists,' all I can say is that in a perfect world, all of the narrow-minded, decidedly UN-Christian right-wingers would read it and snap out of it. We can keep dreaming, but you keep up the good work!"

• "First of all, I wouldn't even bother to read e-mails that start off with 'I'll pray for you ...' Sure as shooting, they'll be the first ones to pick up a rock and kill me for the Lord. Some have a point, I guess. Some don't let facts stand in the way of their opinions.

  "I don't care what two consenting adults do. The government shouldn't care what two consenting adults do. Big G has no business at all in our bedrooms. That is the point, not whether one's sexual orientation is right or wrong. That is not the point. This would not be an issue if big G would leave people alone."

• "Like you, I have never understood why heterosexuals (particularly those zany right-wingers) are so threatened by the idea of same-sex marriage. How can two people who have fought so hard for their right to be "married" and to enjoy all the legal and financial protections and benefits that (it) brings be perceived as disrespecting the institution of marriage? To me, it seems clear that those seeking this recognition fully understand the "unique value of marriage -- and marriage-based families" to our society. Why else would they continue to pursue such an unpopular path?"

• "I have a hard time whenever someone defends action or inaction by using the word "moral." What is moral is subjective; each individual is entitled to his or her own opinion as to what behavior is right or wrong. I'm sure if you asked Klan members, they would tell you that the hate they teach their children is only what is morally right. Moral behavior, in my opinion, includes treating other people as we wish to be treated. I find it interesting that the religious right finds it so easy to judge other people when their own doctrine teaches that it is God's job alone to judge people for their sins."

• "Thank you for giving space to the issue of same-sex marriages. It's very gratifying to know that some states are moving ahead on this issue. My partner of five years and I just had our blessing ceremony, and although it feels much more permanent and marriage-like to us, the granting of full property rights and registration, etc., here in Minnesota would be great."

• "I truly can't understand why anyone would feel threatened by gays having the same rights as married people. Why do they care? How is it possibly going to affect their lives? That's the part I don't get. If my (gay) friends are able to inherit property, visit each other in the hospital and put each other on their health insurance, is Joe Redneck even going to notice a difference in his life?"

• "I don't know what is wrong with society, but let's get real. I hate the fact that there is so much hatred toward this group of people. I have a brother who is gay and I wish I could scream from the tops of buildings that this is how they are born, it's not something they become. He is the sweetest, nicest, would-do-anything-for-anybody type of person, and he has been socially tortured. I think it's horrible."

Yes, it is horrible. It's terrifying, too. And it makes me really, really glad sometimes that the hate mail I get mostly comes from the worst of society's hatemongers.

I think Billy Joel put it best:

"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints ...

"The sinners are much more fun."

Sometimes it seems that way, doesn't it?

• Past Culture Shocked columns

Note: Betsy's pop culture column, Culture Shocked, appears every Wednesday in our Entertainment section. She welcomes your questions and comments.

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