'Perfect Storm' Lost At Sea
Choppy Waters Ahead As Bad Dialogue Mixes With Breathtaking Effects
Winds are picking up in the Atlantic Ocean somewhere in the middle of "The Perfect Storm," and 10-story high waves are batting about two commercial fishing boats.
But the Andrea Gail, headed by Captain Billy Tyne (George Clooney), is farther out in the ocean, and his ragtag group of fishermen are unknowingly headed straight towards the largest storm to form off the coast of Massachusetts in over a century.
Videoblast: More on 'Perfect Storm'
Quizzes:
The captain of the Hannah Boden, Linda Greenlaw (Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio), sends a mayday for the Andrea Gail, breathlessly reading the boat's coordinates to Coast Guard helicopter pilots.
The pilots look at each other and one of them says, "They're heading straight towards hell!"
If that doesn't make you groan, then maybe you should spend your time and money on "The Perfect Storm." Like another long tale of marine disaster, "Titanic," "Storm" is all about awesome special effects and breathtaking action sequences. But the minute the characters open their mouths, you want to jump ship.
The screenwriter, Bill Wittliff, should be made to walk the plank for making great talent like Clooney and Mark Wahlberg say lines like "Hey Skip! I'm giving notice!" and "This is the time when we separate the boys from the men!"
From the very beginning, you feel you are being set up for the danger awaiting the fishing boats. Capt. Tyne's boat is too short with his catch on his first go-around, and his crew feels the pinch in their paycheck. So Tyne wants to prove to himself and his crew that he knows where the fish are. And he yells that: "I know where the fish are!"
He knows the fish are farther out in the Atlantic Ocean, and he takes his doubting crew on another fishing expedition, including Bobby Shatford (Wahlberg), a young fisherman with "salt in his veins;" Murph (John C. Reilly), who is so dedicated to fishing he sacrificed his wife and young son for the sea; Sully (William Fichtner); Alfred Pierre (Allen Payne); and Bugsy (John Hawkes).
Let's get to the good parts: A hurricane from the south collides with two weather fronts from the north, and together they made a monster of a storm.
In a subplot that was much more exciting than the fishermen's plight, the Mistral, a luxury sailboat with three passengers, gets caught in the storm. The waves keep getting higher and the Coast Guard helicopter is stuck with trying to protect their rescue men and the victims down below.
The scene looks very realistic: pouring rain mixed with high waves splashing water on everyone plus shots from the helicopter looking down on the boat and vice versa. The dramatic tension is built up so much, I held my breath and hoped all parties would come out of it alive even though there was no contrived setup for these characters.
Director Wolfgang Petersen ("Air Force One," "In The Line Of Fire") should have kept tensions equally high on the Andrea Gail, but instead he shows Tyne and Shatford getting splashed by sea water over and over again as they maneuver the boat across the towering waves.
Which means they talk.
Which means it's bad.
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