And The Winner Is ... A Bunch Of Songs

Stop the presses, everyone: I have a new favorite TV theme song.

Yes, I'm biased. But you'd be too if you had spoken this week to the actual woman who sang the actual theme song for "One Day at a Time" back in 1975.

Polly Cutter e-mailed me on Tuesday to cast a vote for "One Day at a Time" and modestly admitted to being the lead singer. I subsequently had a lovely phone conversation with her, during which I shamelessly pleaded with her to sing a snippet of the song for me, which she graciously did (despite her objections that she'd just had a coughing fit and that her throat was "all gunky" because she'd just eaten lunch), and you can hear it here.

Polly, a Minnesota native who spent 23 years in Los Angeles working as a studio singer (and subsequently doing post-production work for television dramas), was recording for RCA in 1975 when she was tapped to sing the "One Day at a Time" theme song.

Polly's back in the Twin Cities now; she left California after the 1994 earthquake, preferring blizzards, which, as she points out, can be predicted. She still does voice-over and commercial work. And yes, she still gets residuals for the "One Day at a Time" theme song, which has been playing on an endless loop in my brain for the last two days. Thankfully, it's a good song.

Keith H., who is either Polly's best friend or her soulmate, added his vote: "The song that really gets me misty-eyed and pumped up about moving forward in life is 'One Day at a Time,'" he wrote. "I thoroughly enjoyed that TV show and still wish radio stations would play the song more these days."

Polly and I wish the same thing.

As for the rest of you non-famous-theme-song-singers who cast your votes: There is no clear winner when it comes to favorite TV theme songs. Everything from "Bonanza" (which is my father's fave, so that's why I mentioned it -- anyone got a problem with that?) to "Cops" (I like the "HUH!" part) to "Starsky and Hutch" to "Laverne & Shirley" to "The A-Team" ... well, you get the idea.

Speaking of "Bonanza": Here's a really weird version of the theme song, sung by Lorne Greene.

"M*A*S*H" got a lot of votes. So did "Dallas." So did "Cheers." And "Hill Street Blues" has a lot of fans, too, including my mother. (See above reason for including this one.)

A lot of fans of "The Greatest American Hero" emerged from their self-imposed closets. Some of you may recall that I earlier admitted liking this tune, though I said it was a weenie song.

I'm glad I didn't call it anything worse, because Linda J. wrote to tell me that she and her husband used it as the exit song for their wedding.

And my old (emphasis on OLD) friend Mark says he likes the themes for "ER" ("emotive, passionate, earthy") and "Peter Gunn" (he described this one only as "cool," having apparently used up his quota of adjectives on "ER"). And "My Three Sons."

"I've made up my own lyrics," Mark wrote. "My three sons just loved to hear them when they were captive in the car on a long drive.

"It goes, 'They're my three sons, they're my three sons. They're my three sons, they're my three sons. They have a dad, his name is Mark ...'

"Singing this song off-key at the top of your lungs while wheeling down the interstate is particularly intoxicating. It's great payback for whiny kids."

Someone I'll identify as S.A. amused me greatly with her submissions:

"I'm extremely embarrassed to be writing this," she wrote, pressing bravely onward anyway. "Grossly recognizable among the 20-something age group, especially women: 'The Facts of Life.'

"Universally known, even in Zambia: the 'theme song' (if you can call it that) to 'Jeopardy.' I love to annoy people by humming it while they're trying to remember a fact or figure out the solution to a problem."

S.A.'s favorite: "Moonlighting." "Of course," she added, "I also liked 'The Greatest American Hero' theme song, so my taste obviously can't be trusted."

Oh yeah? Tell that to Linda J.

Petra H. gave me hope that I'm not the only one who annoys people by singing TV theme songs. She admitted that she and her sister frequently burst into the theme from "Green Acres" while working at their restaurant. "Poor folks," she said sympathetically. Lucky folks, I say.

Stephen L. e-mailed me, not to vote for his favorite theme song, but to point out something about "Happy Days" (which, incidentally, got several votes, so I feel justified including this little story) that he had just learned:

"What I ran across late the other night on Nick at Nite shook my television temple to its foundations," he wrote (an excellent turn of phrase there -- wish I'd said it).

"'Happy Days,' or what looked just like 'Happy Days,' minus Tom Bosley, showed up as a short on 'Love, American Style.' Ron Howard, Anson Williams and Marion Ross were all there. The father was not Tom B., and I only caught the last few minutes, so I don't know if there were more of the cast. (NOTE: The last few minutes ended in Richie drinking a BEER on camera.)

"Is this common knowledge? Has my head been in the sand all this time?"

Well, I knew that "Love, American Style" was the genesis of "Happy Days," but that's because, as I've said, I watch way too much TV. Way too much.

However, Stephen did bring up another interesting point: What happened to Chuck, Richie's and Joanie's older brother, who appeared in a few episodes in "Happy Days'" first season and then was never seen again? (If you know the answer, please let me know, and I'll alert Stephen, who may be losing sleep over this.)

But I digress.

The clear winners in the "most recognizable" category are, as I surmised last week, "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch."

But a lot of dark-horse candidates showed up in this category: "Hogan's Heroes." "The Addams Family." "The X-Files" (to which my sister always sings along: "'The X-Files' is a show, with music by Mark Snow ..." ad infinitum). "WKRP in Cincinnati" (which I once sang over and over as I drove -- alone, fortunately -- through Cleveland. Ha ha. Just kidding. It was Akron).

There were recognizable songs that had little groundswells of support: "Welcome Back Kotter." "The Flintstones."

Ellen R. cast a vote for "I Dream of Jeannie" as the most recognizable: "No words, so it's even more annoying as it repeats endlessly in your brain," she wrote.

Sorry, Ellen. Hope you get it dislodged one of these days.

And a few people mentioned recognizable songs that I'd completely forgotten (yes, I know that sentence makes no sense, but you know what I mean, right?): "Fat Albert" (hey hey HEY!). "Taxi." "The Jeffersons." "The Match Game."

So let's review. The most recognizable theme songs: "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch." The favorite: Every TV theme song ever written.

I'm grateful to everyone who took the time to participate in this exercise. And yes, I know it was about as unscientific as it's possible to get.

But hey, as I said last week, science isn't my thing. Or, to put it the way a former co-worker used to put it: If I could do science, I'd have a real job.

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