Here's The Story Of A Man Named Gilligan

I apologize for what I'm about to do to your brain.

I'm about to get at least one, and possibly more, TV theme songs stuck there for the rest of the day -- and possibly longer.

I'm deeply sorry. Really.

For the last few days, I've been doing research into the earth-shaking topic of television theme songs, and I've come up with a few incontrovertible facts:

• Everyone has a favorite TV theme song.

• Television is such a pervasive force in our society that every member of the TV generation -- those who can't remember not having a television in the house -- can identify a handful of TV theme songs from just a few notes.

• Most, if not all, of Emily Dickinson's poetry can be sung to the tune of the "Gilligan's Island" theme. ("Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me ..." Everybody sing!)

• A lot of people -- including me -- watch way too much TV.

I conducted an irresponsibly unscientific poll on this topic by asking co-workers, family and friends two questions: What is your favorite TV theme song? And what do you consider the most recognizable TV theme song?

(To hear the songs, just click on their links.)

The clear winners in the "most recognizable" category are "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch."

It's difficult to argue with either one of those choices. I must confess that I've been known to start "Gilligan's Island" sing-alongs at parties (but only when things get dull), and I once almost got our entire group kicked out of a Washington, D.C., restaurant when I launched a "Brady Bunch" sing-along. Loudly. (I blame the mimosas.)

The songs that got the most votes in the "most recognizable" category included "I Love Lucy," "The Addams Family," "Bonanza" and "The Andy Griffith Show." There were a few votes for "M*A*S*H," "The Mickey Mouse Club" and "Hawaii Five-O." And "Peter Gunn" (one of my husband's faves). And "Dragnet." And "The Beverly Hillbillies." And "Cheers."

Oh, and "Mr. Ed."

"I think I read somewhere that when four out of five people in an elevator hear a stranger say, 'A horse is a horse,' they respond, 'Of course, of course,'" my online friend Jane said.

I don't know about you, but I can't wait to try that myself.

Making a case for "I Love Lucy" was Marsha: "No lyrics, just a melody that runs deep in every red-blooded American," she said patriotically. (OK, Marsha -- the next time I hear it, I'll stand up and salute.)

As for "Cheers": "When I was in fourth or fifth grade, you weren't cool unless you could play at least a few bars on the piano," said my (apparently very young) online friend, Gretchen.

And Cheryl had an explanation for "Hawaii Five-O's" recognition factor: "Maybe (it) has something to do with the fact that this is high school football season and so many high school bands in this area play this song," she said. "Who knows?"

Who indeed?

Angie made a case for "Dragnet": "I think (it's) the most recognizable," she said. "Four notes will do it."

(Time out while you all sing "dum-da-dum-dum" in appropriately somber tones.)

In the "favorites" category, folks came up with a more varied selection.

Personally, I have to give high marks to Sharon, who chose "The Mary Tyler Moore Show," my own favorite (I've been known to throw my hat in the air for no good reason); Elizabeth, who picked "Twin Peaks" and says she sings along with the theme from "The Partridge Family" although she doesn't like the song (this says a lot about Elizabeth; draw your own conclusions); and Michele, who selected "Seattle," the theme from "Here Come the Brides," which starred that paragon of teen idols, Bobby Sherman. Michele obviously has the finest of taste.

My co-worker Denise had the courage to reveal that her favorite is the theme from "The Greatest American Hero." I've always been a closet fan of this song, reluctant to confess my admiration because I thought people would consider it a weenie song.

But I was wrong. When I played it, several people exclaimed, "I love that song!" and began to sing along, which of course prompted me to bring the song to an abrupt halt, cutting Joey Scarbury off in mid-phrase.

There were votes cast for "Happy Days" and "Captain Kangaroo" and "Top Cat." My former co-worker Tom, who happened to call while I was embroiled in researching this topic, cast a vehement vote for "St. Elsewhere."

But nobody mentioned some of my own favorites: "Lou Grant." "Moon Over Parma" from the first season or two of "The Drew Carey Show." "Moonlighting." "The Love Boat," the show from which I learned all I know about Mexican geography. "Love, American Style." "The Muppet Show" (and why, why, WHY doesn't some network pick up that show and air the reruns?).

Well, now it's your turn. Let me know what TV theme songs you like and which ones you believe are the most recognizable. I'll compile the results as scientifically as I can and reveal them next week.

"Scientifically" being a relative term, of course, of course.

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