Who Wants To Get A Life? Not Betsy!

'Millionaire' Foes Outnumber Fans 3 To 1

Betsy Gerboth, Staff Writer

Apparently I need to get a life.

Apparently I am a bitter, boring, mean, ugly, horrible, malicious, stupid twit who has nothing better to do than insult, variously, people who live in trailers (pardon me, manufactured housing), people who breathe through their mouths, people who think Regis Philbin is the Second Coming, and people who find the questions on "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" too difficult to answer.

And apparently I've struck some pretty sensitive nerves. (Read last week's column)

Bob Barker In the week since my column about the inexplicable popularity of Reege and "Millionaire" appeared, I've been on the receiving end of plenty of vitriol. Here is a sampling of the missives I've gotten, all written with frothing-at-the-mouth intensity. The letter-writers' comments are in quotation marks; I've added my own comments in parentheses, which, for those of you who are still trying to figure out which end of the milk carton to open, are those curvy things that look like this: ( )

"If there (sic) so easy, why aren't you there. Women can't handle stress and fall apart during crunch time!" (To be fair, this guy changed his tune after I wrote back to him and later grudgingly admitted this: "Women will do fine as long as their (sic) like you. I also enjoyed the rest of your comments. Not bad for a women (sic).")
"Guess it takes a twit to know a twit! Looks like you played too many games and watched too much TV when you were 'little'... Have you ever met Regis ... what did he ever do to you? I don't like your brand of name calling ... this is the first and last time I read anything with your name on it." (Damn. Guess you won?t be buying my book, "The Autobiography of A Woman Who Played Too Many Games and Watched Too Much TV When She Was Little.")

Shutterly

"I hope you don't get paid for insulting people ('Spam-sucking trailer trash') who did nothing to deserve that, because any amount of money that goes to you is too much. You are definitely entitled to your opinions, but this is ridiculous. I'm shocked that WISC would even give you time on their Web page.

"Sounds like you have a very boring life, if all you have to do is complain about game shows. Regis is a charming, intelligent, witty, man with a delightful personality. ... Learn to be kind, it doesn't hurt it might make you feel better as well. Not everyone that writes you is stupid nor do we make mistakes in our spelling. Take the time to say something nice about someone, do something good for someone. It will make you feel better about them and yourself." (Nah. I tried it once; it didn't do a thing for me.)
"You need to get a life! Don't worry about what other people like." (Well, OK, but then what will I worry about?)
"Bitch, bitch, bitch. Your (sic) just another whiner in a world full of armchair quarterbacks. Why why why. Why this and why that? Somebody explain this to me and somebody explain that. As if your (sic) waiting for someone to come along and give you a reason to watch, God, just shut the damn thing off. Don?t you have anything better to do then (sic) talk nonsense?" (Well, apparently not. It seems that I need to get a life. But I appreciate the concern.)
"What makes the show so attractive, is that it gives anyone a chance to win a million $. Your frustration seems to be slightly exaggerated. Maybe you ought to relax and focus your anger in a more legitament (sic) direction, instead of a game show that will help people get out of debt, put a down payment on a home, take a nice vacation, etc. RELAX BETSY! Be happy for these people." (At your suggestion, I'm currently seeking a more legitament direction for my anger. I'll let you know when I find it.)
"You must lead a lonely shallow life." (Why, yes, I do. Thanks for noticing.)
"You talk silly dumb nonsense. Find another line of work." (See next response for a suggestion on my new career.)
"I have NEVER watched the television program you wrote about in your last column, but at the same time, your column rates right up there with being the most boring and sexist display of journalism I've read in a long time. Have you tried selling used cars?" (No, but I hear that used-car salespeople are even more reviled than journalists. Maybe I will.)
"No, I am not a Regis fan either, however I find it ironic that an individual such as yourself still dreaming of your 15 minutes finds time to insult an individual who has. Good luck finding yours, I personally do not believe that you will ever have the charisma necessary to enjoy the 15 minutes that he has for so many years." (So let me get this straight: I'll never have Regis Philbin's charisma? And you meant this as an insult?)
"As I read your article, I kept thinking to myself you must be extremely bitter and have little going on in your life. I do not need to be exposed to your malicious comments on anyone from 'mouth-breathing morons' to 'Spam-sucking trailer trash.' Unlike you, I do not take sport in degrading people to make myself feel superior." (You ought to try it sometime; it's loads of fun.)
"You are probably one of the nastiest people on this side of the planet. If I were you, I'd be ashamed to admit I wrote such garbage. Just because you don't like it, who cares? Take some Midol sister & get over it." (This one was in all caps, and it was my hands-down favorite, since my main goal in life has been to become one of the nastiest people on this side of the planet. The next-to-last sentence originally was followed by 17 question marks; in the interest of brevity, I've subtracted 16 of them. But bear in mind that the writer felt particularly vehement about that statement, or else his/her exclamation point key got temporarily stuck.)

Well. I guess they told me.

At the other end of the spectrum, I'm delighted to report that those of us who think "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" is dumber than dirt are in the majority -- at least among those who take the time to send their opinions to a TV columnist. In fact, those who agreed that the show is a signal of the continuing downward spiral of the TV viewing audience's collective intelligence outnumbered 3 to 1 those who didn't agree.

A lot of people, both fans and foes, wrote to offer their opinions about why the show is popular.

The consensus: People watch "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" because it makes them feel smart. Kids like it because they can answer the questions (and I think this is a particularly valid observation). And a lot of people watch it because it allows them the opportunity to think that they, too, could sit in front of Regis, King of the Aliens, and become millionaires.

Here's a sampling:

"My husband and I watch because it's so much fun to scream at the TV when the idiots don't know the answer. But, my final answer is we watch because there is absolutely nothing else worth watching!"

"A question to ponder: Why do we bother to search for intelligent life in the universe when there is not enough intelligent life on this planet to even fill up an hour of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'?"

"Until reading this article I thought that I was the ONLY one with an ounce of brains, good taste or sanity left in this whole world! I ABSOLUTELY cannot stand anything about this lousy program!"

"It makes me feel like a geenyus (sic)." (I love this one.)
"You're right! I'm just a construction worker and watched the show once. I answered all the questions from the couch. Where do they find these idiots? And Regis is an idiot himself. Never will watch it again."
"The same reason that people stop and stare at an accident. Morbid curiosity!"
"The medical profession uses these programs to anesthetize patients just prior to neurosurgery. They paralyze the cerebral cortex. I thought everyone knew that."
"Hallelujah, someone finally agrees with me! I thought I was totally missing the boat when I watched 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' for the first time and hated it! Regis is the most annoying host they could have picked. Please do not let anyone tell you any differently! Thank you for telling it like it is. Finally, someone to speak up for those of us with taste!" (Hey, it's a dirty job ...)
"It isn't about the quality of the game show itself. It is the closest chance, opportunity and the closest those trailer trash will ever come to winning a million dollars! That is why it is so exciting. I think most people that watch that game show are middle to lower income families who spend the most time in front of the TV anyways. The producers make the questions so dumb that the people at home could guess them! So they watch the show, just to see if maybe they could've been a millionaire! It is simple marketing!"
"I have also watched this show and I think it is rather amusing to watch the contestants carrying on like the questions are extremely tough. My reason for writing you is to give you my opinion as to why I think the show is so popular, I think it is because the questions are so simple that people at home can play and feel 'intelligent' or better about themselves because they can actually answer the questions. Also, I think your comments are very accurate regarding Regis and the contestants. The show is a big embarrassment but, you gotta admit it is also somewhat entertaining to watch those goofy contestants."
"Its (sic) intresting (sic) to watch because I wanna find out how many people actually win one million dollars for answering a few questions. Plus the questions are not so easy so I don't know what U are talking about."
"It sure beats watching all the sex and violence on the other shows! The questions are not easy and it really makes you think. I have always enjoyed game shows."
"I watched it because I wanted to get on it, figuring any moron who could get on the show could walk away with 32 grand for one night's work. I think the attraction is the 'I could do THAT' factor; The questions are easy, the money is easy, how can that MORON not know the answer?"
"I happen to like watching 'Who Wants to be A Millionaire?' The one thing that I don't like about the show is Regis. I think that he is annoying. I just happen to like trivia and like to see people trying to answer simple questions and laugh at them when they are dumb and do not know the answer. If it weren't for Regis, this show would be awesome."
"I would imagine that people could imagine themselves being on that show saying, 'I can answer those questions!' It was an engaging show, but why, if it is sooooo good, is it not on now? Sweeps! Frankly, I would rather have chosen to be mentally abused by my ex-wife again than watch Regis make way too much money for doing nothing."
"VEEERRRY simple ... like those people that you see every day, lined up at the gas station to buy a lottery ticket ... we are all rooting for the guy to make a few bucks and get out of the middle class rut!"

Thanks to everyone who took the time to write to me. Let's leave the final word on this topic to Mike, whose admirably succinct response summed up the majority's feelings in just three words.

"People are stupid," Mike wrote.

Really? You think?

Past Tubin' articles

Note: Betsy's column appears every Wednesday in our Entertainment section. She welcomes your questions and comments.