Apple Computer's 1984 Super Bowl ad ruined football. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but after the "Destroy Big Brother" commercial, the Super Bowl gave up pretending that it was ever actually about football.
This year, 20 dot-commers challenged each other to a fun round of The Greatest Waste Of Venture Capital Money. Advertisers forked out up to $3 million for 30-second Super Bowl spots -- which were viewed by about 140 million Americans.
Of the 61 spots this year, here are some of the more provocative ones. After watching them, be sure to vote for your favorite.
VIDEO: 
Nuveen Investments -- Christopher Reeve
Christopher Reeve walks again! With the seemingly myopic message that technology conquers all, it's hard to say if this ad is brilliant or pompous. Either way, it got people talking. Talking about what? Who knows. Can anyone even remember whose ad it was?
VIDEO: 7-Up -- High Traffic
"Put your vending machines where the people are -- high traffic areas." This was 7-Up's great attempt at catching up with Mountain Dew's "weird meta-commercials."
VIDEO: 
Computer.com -- What's It For?
In the great convergence of TV and PC, Computer.com remembers where the medium will really take us: "Computer.com is what daddy has to download pictures."
VIDEO: Netpliance -- What If?
Netpliance.com was the big start-up company of the year. It sells Internet access machines for $199 each. This commercial, which asks "what if every last one of us could access the Internet and e-mail without using a computer," features the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.
VIDEO: 
Tropicana -- Lifting Ounces
Grandma runs an urban decathalon because she drinks Tropicana.
VIDEO: Oxygen -- No More Pink!
Advertising journals have been saying all month that women make up 40 percent viewership of the Super Bowl. If you saw Barbara Walters' pre-game show, you learned why (one word: "butts"). This spot, which promotes Oprah's new Web site and cable network that launch in February, features babies shedding gender-identifying pink clothing.
VIDEO: 
HotJobs.com -- The Firm Loves You
HotJobs.com stole the show last year, but loses force this year. Is that Samuel Jackson talking?
VIDEO: Budweiser -- Clydesdale Birth
Anheuser-Busch ads and Marlboro men have something in common. They're so sincere and earnest that they end up being funny. This one is a good example. It seems like a classic tear-jerking Anheuser-Busch ad, but when the heroic man leaves the company of two beautiful women (in a setting that looks strangely like "Eyes Wide Shut") to go see the birth of a Clydesdale, it almost turns into a campy rendition of a Bud ad making fun of itself. Somewhere out there is a ad copy writer with a smirk on his face.
VIDEO: WWF -- Miss Congeniality
In a grand ellision of professional wrestling, beauty pageants and Jerry Springer, this WWF commercial manages to get away with mocking its fans. Proof once again that irony is dead.
VIDEO: Tobasco -- Hot Stuff
God (or is it Yahweh? Zeus?) is too busy sipping Tobasco to pay attention to the weapons coming in from outer space. Huh? Is this a Cold War metaphor?
VIDEO: Charles Schwab -- Ringo
Which is funnier: Ringo Starr as a Charles Schwab devotee or Ringo Starr as a rapper? Is this commercial a joke? You can never tell with Ringo.
VIDEO: Mountain Dew -- Bad Cheetah
Oliver Stone was recently asked in Salon what most irked him about football. His answer: defensive pass interference calls. What does this have to do with Mountain Dew? Nothing. What does Mountain Dew have to do with cheetahs? Nothing either, but I'm trying to use hip non sequiturs to show that I have style. Watch the "bad cheetah" bit to see what I mean.
VIDEO: 
Mountain Dew -- Rhapsody
At the beginning of the '90s Wayne and Garth snagged Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody." In the year 2000, the Pepsi Corp. nabs it and changes the lyrics. It begs the question: Is Freddy Mercury rocking out or rolling over in his grave?
VIDEO:
M&Ms -- Green Shell
What do those M's stand for again? Misogyny & miscalculation?
VIDEO: 
Pets.com -- The Sock Puppet Returns
Is this the effects of a Puff Daddy culture?
VIDEO: E*Trade -- Up The Whazoo
E*Trade strikes again with the only commercial that caused me to laugh out loud. And to be embarrassed for laughing out loud. Unfortunately, every E*Trader I know has lost money up the whazoo.
VIDEO: E*Trade -- Dance
"But dad I don't wanna play basketball. I wanna DANCE!" Is this, like, a spoof on that Lloyd Dobler scene in "Say Anything" where he tells Ione Skye's dad that he wants to kick box?
VIDEO: 
EDS -- Herding Cats
This one eloquently proved that commercials have nothing to do with the product being sold. In fact, I haven't got a clue what EDS is or what it sells. Nor will I probably ever know. But this "herding cats" sketch may have been the best attempt at anti-anti-branding we'll ever see.
VIDEO: 7-Up -- Nice Cans
ABC wouldn't let 7-Up run one of their ads. Neither company will release the details of what the content of that ad was, but it's hard to imagine something more tasteless than this "show us your cans" bit.
VIDEO: 
FedEx -- Over The Rainbow
"Whether it's over the seas or over the rainbow, FedEx can get it to places other shipping companies can only imagine." That's right Toto, there's no place like Make-Believe Land.
