You'll Be Hearing From My Web Site

Things seem like they can't get any worse. You don't know where to turn. It's impossible to find an attorney in the phone book. And anyway, you're not interested in sorting through all the high-falutin' legal mumbo-jumbo.

Try out MyCounsel.com.

MyCounsel is a site devoted to getting the quick and dirty facts laid out before the gavel gets a chance to come down. The site has simple advice, from real estate law to traffic entanglements and criminal arrest.

According to a fact sheet, MyCounsel is the Internet's "most comprehensive and trusted collection of easy-to-understand legal information, research and facts," put together by a team of lawyers, writers and editors.

I have never been one to indulge in litigious chicanery, but a small cadre of well-placed advocates could serve well in a pinch. A couple of young whipsnake attorneys is de rigeur in these days when mental strain can tear apart the soul and scalding hot java floods the streets, but sometimes they can't always be there to fend off the long, grabby arms of the law.

MyCounsel claims that in the prehistoric world before the Internet, competent and simple legal guidance was as hard to find as Nicole Simpson's killer. Now, when the boys in blue are ramming down the doors with warrant in hand, all it takes is a few browser maneuvers to get that last-minute advice about remaining silent and all that jazz.

The idea for MyCounsel was hatched by attorney Stan Soper and consultant Nathan Gilliland as they sat on a ski lift one spring day in 1999. They nurtured their creation, and by fall, had partnered with NetVenture LLC to get the capital to start up the site, according to their bio.

The site has deals with several national law book publishers and says that it has the most up-to-date and accurate legal information around.

They've only been around for a month or two, so no real traffic stats are available yet.

"It's kind of a beta test for us," spokeswoman Kathyrn Quirk says. There are no ads yet on the site, either, but Quirk says those should be coming by summer or fall of this year.

Anyone who's ever watched an episode of "Law and Order," or "Perry Mason," for that matter, can tell you that the courtroom is a pit of venomous vipers, a grisly stage that is the bureaucratic suit-and-tie equivalent of the pro wrestling ring.

And it's no different in real life. I swear.

Hell, just try to pump a few slugs into a home intruder or unload a blast of pepper gas on some aggro spare-changer downtown, and see if you won't find yourself tied up in litigation, fighting for just a taste of that sweet ambrosia named Justice. You'll find out right quick that there's no such thing as an innocent man.

Coming soon will be a more in-depth index of laws state by state. For now, legal information is put together on a national level, but the research is more detailed than most laypeople would guess. Users who need more specific advice should consult with a local attorney, Quirk says.

If the topics page can't help you out, the Find A Lawyer index has links to contact information on about 500,000 attorneys nationwide, mostly specializing in small business and consumer law. Counselors do not have to pay to be listed, and you can search by area, name and area of practice.

Johnnie Cochran could not be reached for comment by press time, however.

Ask Jeeves They Ain't

Ask Stanley is a search tool that lets users type in a law question and returns an answer supposedly culled from searching thousands of legal documents.

Inquiring about a recent minor traffic violation (of which this reporter is absolutely, 100 percent not guilty), I asked Stanley: "If Officer Poncharello shows up in court, do I have a chance of winning?"

Well, maybe it didn't get the "ChiPs" reference, but all I got back was an error saying that the site was not responding. So I narrowed it down, and sure enough, a list of related links appeared.

I will be sure to use this site when Lady Justice calls my name. For the little things, and not just for help in my various high-profile lawsuits against the federal government, and my various road-rage charges.