Unhappy Marriages Often Improve After 5 Years

Most people assume that a person stuck in a bad marriage has two choices: stay married and miserable or get a divorce and become happier.

But the findings from the first scholarly study to test that assumption challenges conventional wisdom.

The University of Chicago study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married.

The researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.

The research team used data collected by the National Survey of Family and Households, a nationally representative survey that extensively measures personal and marital happiness.

The study found that, on average, unhappily married adults who divorced were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married when rated on any of 12 separate measures of psychological well-being. Divorce did not typically reduce symptoms of depression, raise self-esteem, or increase a sense of mastery. Even unhappy spouses who had divorced and remarried were no happier on average than those who stayed married.

"Staying married is not just for the children's sake. Some divorce is necessary, but results like these suggest the benefits of divorce have been oversold," sociologist Linda J. Waite said.

The authors of the study suggested that while divorce may eliminate some stresses and sources of potential harm, it may create others, leading to continued unhappiness.

To follow up on the dramatic findings that two-thirds of unhappy marriages had become happy five years later, the researchers also conducted focus group interviews with 55 formerly unhappy husbands and wives who had turned their marriages around. They found that many currently happily married spouses have had extended periods of marital unhappiness, often for serious reasons including alcoholism, infidelity, verbal abuse, emotional neglect, depression, illness, and work reversals.

Spouses' stories of how their marriages got happier fell into three broad headings: the marital endurance ethic, the marital work ethic, and the personal happiness ethic.

In the marital endurance ethic, the most common story couples reported to researchers, marriages got happier not because partners resolved problems, but because they stubbornly outlasted them. With the passage of time, these spouses said, many sources of conflict and distress eased.

In the marital work ethic, spouses told stories of actively working to solve problems, change behavior, or improve communication. When the problem was solved, the marriage got happier. Strategies for improving marriages mentioned by spouses ranged from arranging dates or other ways to more time together and enlisting the help and advice of relatives or in-laws, to consulting clergy or secular counselors, to threatening divorce and consulting divorce attorneys.

Finally, in the personal happiness ethic, marriage problems did not seem to change that much. Instead, married people in these accounts told stories of finding alternative ways to improve their own happiness and build a good and happy life despite a mediocre marriage.