A Hot Time On 'Survivor: Amazon!'

Coming into tonight, Rob was perched atop the heap, and we are NOT going to discuss the nasty rumors about Vegas betting and such. Don't ask me about 'em, either, because I don't spread rumors like that. I prefer to manufacture my own.

Rumor has it I'm going to be selected to play Hagrid in the next "Harry Potter" flick. There. That's one you can circulate.

Basically, the tribe was divided into two packs: Matt and Butch on one side and the Barbie twins, Heidi and Jenna, on the other. Rob was the swingman.

We began the night with Jenna moaning and groaning about people bothering her, and making forgiving noises toward Rob. He was obviously reveling in the power, telling the girls flat out that he was voting for Heidi first, then Jenna. Even naked Richard didn't display such hubris. Was there a fall being ridden for here?

Our personality quirk of the week was Butch's obsession with firewood. This was nothing more than being a healthy male! Any man who can look at a campfire and say "that doesn't need anymore wood" needs a testosterone check. Fires are for building! My ideal campfire is visible from space. I've actually gotten notes from NASA about roasting their orbiting satellites.

Thing from this show I NEVER, EVER want to see again: Butch's happydance.

The treemail for the reward challenge seemed to indicate some sort of trivia quiz, based on the phrase "you must learn from the past." The tribe stoked the fire and took off for the challenge.

It turned out that the challenge was of a type we've seen before, an amalgam of past challenges, but this time with a glimpse of future ones, also.

The prize, as usual, was a vehicle: a Saturn Ion. This is the car you've seen in those snappy commercials with the twentysomethings driving through "Childhood" and "Marriage" towns. I dig the reverse-opening rear door.

The trunk of the car was loaded with all the supplies for a most tasty tailgate party.

The first stage involved untying a multiknotted cord to escape a cage. After a slow start, Butch caught fire and was the first out, followed closely by Matt. Rob, Jenna and Heidi brought up the rear.

Next up was a puzzle board, with a set of rectangular pieces to be organized. With an amazing display of hand-eye coordination, Rob overtook the other two men and left them in the dust. Matthew finished a short interval later and joined Rob at a decoder puzzle.

Butch joined the men again, just as Matthew solved the puzzle and took off for the last station, a flying fox ride to the key.

I should probably mention that, while the men were working on the last puzzle, there was a cut back to Heidi, who was still two or three knots away from escaping her bamboo cage. Way to charge, girl!

The whole tribe piled into the Ion, with Matt cranking up the air conditioner. He begged to be allowed to share the party with all, but Jeff was having none of it. He forced the Bugman to pick just one tribe member to accompany him. Naturally, that was Rob. Matt may act like a freak, but he's not stupid.

Rob and Matt headed off to pig out on monster-sized burgers, marinated chicken, potato salad and all manner of other goodies.

Meanwhile, back at camp, in the absence of the tribe the fire had done what fire does best: feed. It flared up and quickly consumed its own enclosure and the storage area. The annoying "Believe in Yourself" banner went up in smoke, so it wasn't ALL bad.

Luxury items were going at a rapid rate. There was a sad closeup of a melted Magic 8 Ball, among other things.

Would this be Butch's ticket out of the jungle? He was the fire man, the man whom everyone counted on to handle the fire and keep things going.

Heidi's pack was the only one that did not burn. Jenna mourned her *snif* sorority jacket that was irreplaceable because it'd been passed down from sister to sister "for five or six years."

Bleah.

Eat the rich.

Oblivious to what was going on back at camp, Rob and Matt were feasting and making a pact to ride through to the final two.

Matt and Rob got back to camp and saw the devastation. It would have been easy to jump all over Butch, but no one did, at least not publicly.

Away from the tribe, though, Rob made it clear that he was blaming Principal Lockley.

The next morning, Matt and Butch set about building a new fire shelter. Meanwhile, Heidi sat on her butt in the shelter and discussed how she and Jenna should win because they'd "earned it." How's that again?

Why do I get the screaming creeps when Matt mentions anyone "digging a grave" for themselves?

The slightly charred immunity necklace was up for grabs again, and the challenge was completely physical, involving a set of five rope-based obstacles. In no particular order, the contestants were to complete all five obstacles, retrieving colored feathers and returning them to a central post.

My money was on Matt, although his size might give him trouble on some of the balancing activities.

Matt took the rope tunnel first, perhaps the most difficult stage, and still finished it first. Butch took the easy rope swing and almost didn't make it.

Matthew brought his third feather back right after Matt deposited his second, widening the lead.

Matt returned with his fourth feather, and quickly caught up to Jenna on the disc walk, his final task. He passed her on the return, and completed the challenge well ahead of anyone else.

This one was a cakewalk for the Bugman. He really should have had to compete with an arm tied behind him to make it a bit more fair.

To my mind, this left it simply a question of which of the Barbies would be taking the long walk. Jenna immediately went into victim mode, playing sick and feigning chest pains and various physical ailments.

Pathetic. Truly pathetic.

Council time came with it looking like Jenna might be taking the next boat out. Rob referred to her as "having her head on the chopping block."

Christy, who was ACES on Letterman Monday, came in with the jury, looking daggers at the Barbies. They're lucky she's not pyrokinetic.

Then Heidi committed tribeacide during council, describing the three men as "scared to death" of her. A meaningful look was exchanged among the guys, and the vote proceeded.

Why, oh why do people continue to shoot themselves in their smelly, Amazon mud-encrusted feet?

Rob: "Two girls, one brain divided by two. Now there'll only be one halfwit left." Ouch.

Rob and Heidi split the first four votes, with the deciding tally sending the "frightening" Barbie, Heidi, down the long walk.

So this had to have been the last gasp for gender-line voting. In three days, we'll meet back here and see who's left on top when the dust settles. Stay tuned!

As ever, I welcome your question, comments, screeds, professions of love or large cash grants. Just drop me a line anytime!