Dads, Moms Reveal True Feelings About Holidays

Families make less of a fuss over Father's Day than they do over Mother's Day, yet dads are more satisfied with their special day, according to a new study.

Nicole Gilbert, who recently received her master's degree in psychology and education at Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Mass., interviewed 53 couples to learn how the two holidays are celebrated and what those celebrations say about what society values in motherhood and fatherhood.

Gilbert found that families reported celebrating Father's Day an average of 3.5 hours, or about two hours less than Mother's Day. She also found that fathers are less likely to receive gifts -- eight of the 53 fathers got no presents, compared with just one of the 53 mothers -- and that those gifts tended to revolve around his role as the provider (neckties and wallets, for example) and individualistic hobbies (such as golf clubs and fishing rods).

Fathers are also less likely to be taken out to dinner; it's the mom who is seen as needing relief from the chore of cooking, Gilbert found.

Yet dads were more satisfied with their special day than were moms. On a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the highest, dads rated their days a 4.6, while moms gave their days a 4.27.

Why is Dad happier? Gilbert found that many fathers say that simply having time with their families is valuable and a change from the routine.

Fathers also have fewer expectations, Gilbert said. Unlike Mother's Day, which tends to be highly scripted around the woman's value as parent and nurturer, Father's Day is more loosely structured.

Another reason why dads are more content is that research indicates that men are not defined by their role as fathers, while women are defined by their role as mothers. Therefore, recognizing their contributions as parents is not as crucial to their self-identity as it is for women, Gilbert said.

She said Mother's Day and Father's Day are rare among holidays because they are "occasions through which gender is created."

Even in households that don't follow stereotypical gender roles, parents are reminded of their positions as mothers and fathers on those holidays and may even behave more stereotypically on these two days than on nongendered occasions, Gilbert said.

Gifts given on the two holidays are much more likely to be stereotypically masculine or feminine than the gifts given to those same mothers and fathers on their birthdays -- it's not the man as an individual, but the man in society's role of the father, who's honored on Father's Day.

Gilbert, who plans to present her dad with a flowering plant this Father's Day, has no desire to throw a wet blanket on the holidays.

"I am certainly not arguing for a movement to abolish Mother's and Father's Day, but I am hoping that one day these celebrations will not be as gendered," she said. "Perhaps in the future when children think about gifts to give on these occasions, they will not be so eager to give Mom flowers and Dad a tie."