LifeFiles: Keep Your Battles 1-On-1

My fiance and I had an unpleasant fight over the weekend.

I was so distraught, I just had to talk to someone.

I took a break from the battle and as I dialed my friend Amy, I suddenly realized Jack was within earshot. At that moment I understood I wasn't making the best move. I felt like I was betraying him by discussing our fight with someone else.

My instinct to fight and dial during a relationship crisis doesn't fly anymore, and never should have.

In the beginning of most relationships, we -- meaning women -- start off by sparing no details. We all hear (and cringe) about men and their locker room chatter, but I'd prefer to be a fly in the women's room any day.

I know way too much about the men my friends have dated, from the "sexy" things he says to turn her on to his tendency to fall asleep immediately after he turns her on. One friend told me how her new man was lacking in certain ways, but now that they are serious I pretend not to remember that little detail.

It used to confuse and bother me that topics that were once fair game became quickly inappropriate as her affection for him grew, but I respect the need to keep the dirty details quiet as the relationship progresses. Initially, she was talking about "some guy," but then she began dealing with much more than that.

Once the guy earns the boyfriend or best friend spot, it's time to resolve as much as possible within the relationship before seeking a third-party opinion. And now that my man is the fiance, I feel like being even more cautious about opening up the relationship to the outside world.

I probably should have learned to keep my mouth shut way before now, but it goes against my nature. I'm a talker and an open book, often to the chagrin of my man.

For him, it's a no-brainer to keep quiet about personal issues. He can't understand why I talk to my friends about everything, let alone put it out there for the World Wide Web to read.

Luckily for him, I'm starting to keep the book a little more private. With the more serious I get and the more I look to the future, it is becoming hard to be so revealing, even as I write yet another chapter in my up-close-and-personal column.

I'm not looking to shut out my friends (or readers), but I'm more concerned with the sanctity of the relationship. Do I really want Amy, or anyone else, to know the mean thing he said to me the other night in an angry and ridiculous moment?

However, getting another perspective is often helpful for me. He calls me insane, and I pass it by a friend or colleague to make sure he's clearly wrong. On the other hand, once I tell her what he did that bothered me, I may have already begun to forgive him when she's stuck on how upset I was.

When I share the rare bad moments with someone else, they can become blown out of proportion. And when I walk down the aisle, it won't be helpful to hear someone whisper "But remember the time he said ... "

Sure, my love life is still available for online consumption, and Amy won't be wanting for phone calls from me. But I'm making the key to unlock my book more tailored for him to turn, rather than everyone within earshot.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.