LifeFiles: Afraid Of Dark -- And Bachelor Parties

I am afraid of the dark, because I never know what could be lurking in the shadows.

Late at night, I run from room to room in my apartment, theoretically outrunning whoever may be hiding out under my kitchen sink, standing out on the deck, or crouching in the corner where the vacuum lives.

This fear is silly for a grown woman, and a steady diet of crime shows isn't helping it fade, but I've become accustomed to it over the years.

Now I face a new source of fear that I plan to eliminate before my head gets comfortable with it: The bachelor party.

Perhaps I've watched Tom Hanks in "Bachelor Party" too many times and been left with the notion that prostitutes and pills are set items on the menu, images that are entertaining on the big screen but not in my little world.

Like my greatest fear, the unknown of the bachelor party leaves me in the dark. I realize many men talk big and then probably end up passing out in a pile of crumbled Doritos rather than experiencing the wild one last time their friends hope for.

But there is that possibility that Jack will have to put on a show for his friends, and I will never know what happened.

Looking for someone to bring me back to grounded reality, I brought up my fears to my single friend, Lori, who said, "Who cares if there are hookers there?" As if it just makes sense that a bachelor party means hookers. But maybe she's right in a way. Not about the hookers, but about the not caring.

I am getting carried away with this one, and my fiance will be the first to point that out. As I drum up these big ideas of what goes down, I lose sight of the most important element in our relationship. It's all about trust. If I don't trust the guy now, what does that mean for our future?

I know that some insecure brides have gone so far as to plan their grooms' bachelor parties for them, even showing up at the end of the night to scold the boys who were looking to show their friend some harmless fun.

I will not be that bride. But as I write, I realize that my fears only make me want to control the situation. And the idea of controlling a possibly fun night for him to spend with his closest friends is selfish and ridiculous.

Marriage is about compromise, but I don't want the kind of marriage that requires each person to give so much that they lose sight of themselves.

Jack insists his friends are more committed to our upcoming marriage than to the idea he needs to get certain stuff out of his system before he marries, and I'll take his word for it. Because now is the time to get over my fears and start trusting.

And if he comes home with a stray stripper tassel in his pocket, I'll just seize the moment and do a little dance of my own. Because no matter how much fun his friends pay for him to have, it's the free stuff at home that's always better.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous 20-something who knows how to make the most of being single. Her column appears every other Thursday.