Diary Of A Fat Man: Excessive Celebration

Diary Entry

Triumph! I got a pair of "hope" jeans down from their exile in the top of my closet -- jeans that were really too small when purchased, that I'd hoped to lose weight to fit into -- and they fit!

I'm not going to get TOO cocky, though. The waist size is 58. That's nothing to write home about, but it's definite progress.

As soon as my sweats arrive from the big and tall shop, I'll be joining my wife working out at the Wellness Center at the University of Houston. The situps, pushups and walking every day are starting to get monotonous. I'm hoping getting into an area with more options for exercise will recharge my motivation. If not, there's always that graph at the bottom of this page to keep me plugging away.

Penalized For Excessive Celebration?

For most people, celebrations of just about any type include food and drink. And for us larger-sized folks, the celebratory eating can take on truly bacchanalian proportions if we're not careful. There's nothing like a party to bring out the high-calorie goodies and carb- and sugar-laden drinks.

I know, I know ... we've all read the guides a thousand times. "Eat a little something healthy before you leave." "Drink plenty of water before you leave." "Have a friend staple your lips shut before you leave."

Those are all well and good, but what happens when the party jumps on you from ambush? You're heading over to a friend's house for the evening, little suspecting that another friend is celebrating a birthday and you'll all end up somewhere festive, tempted by an array of goodies that would make even the most hardcore hedonist start checking his cholesterol.

What do you do? Do you leave? Do you demand a nonfat, whole-wheat alternative to what's being served? Do you sit empty-handed, watching with puppydog eyes as those around you scarf down handfuls of yumminess?

OK. Gather in close, now. I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what to do. You have to promise to share the wisdom with all your fellow travelers along the diet road, though.

Are you ready?

ENJOY YOURSELF.

That's right! We are human beings, and not bloody many of us are monks anymore. Self-deprivation of the kind advocated by many diet "experts" is going to lead to an eventual backlash. You'll get (un)fed up, ticked off, upset or just flat despondent and the next thing you know you'll be chin-deep in a half-gallon of ice cream.

First off, once you've been cutting back for a couple of weeks your stomach is going to shrink. You simply won't be able to eat as much. What would have been a half-indulgence before will now be all you can stand to stuff down. I've been positively amazed at what fills me up now. Portions that would have been a first serving (out of three) are now more than adequate.

Second, if you incorporate some of the preparty survival tips into your party munching, you'll save yourself substantial grief. Make a game of it! For every sausage ball, eat two carrot sticks. For every margarita, drink a glass of ice water or diet soda. Do whatever you can to balance out your "heavy" intake with "light" alternatives.

Finally, as you begin eating more healthful food, you'll start paying attention to what goes into the things you love to eat. Start weighing (pardon the pun) the enjoyment you get from different foods against the impact they have on your waistline. You won't likely pass up ALL the fattening offerings on the party spread, but you'll be more picky about what you indulge in. Why fill up your available snacking space with bean dip when the flavor-to-waist ratio is just too high?

I use bean dip as an example because it's one of the foods I've crossed off my list. It used to be primarily a football-time snack. I'd sit and watch, bag of Doritos by my side, and polish off a can of dip before halftime. I've found I can get the same snacking fulfillment from popcorn.

Snacking Tip: A bag of light microwave popcorn with a healthy shake of Molly McButter cheese flavor and the seasoning of your choice (Cajun seasoning for me) is a wicked good snack, and there's enough bulk to a bag to make you feel like you've really done some quality munching.

Just keep in mind: this party is ONE day out of the week. Don't let today's indulgence become an excuse for tomorrow's. I fell into that trap myself just this past weekend.

My birthday was Monday. Saturday, I had dinner at a business associate's house, and his wife had prepared oven-braised pork chops topped with some truly excellent blue cheese. There were two flavors, and my wife and I took different ones. We swapped bites, and I should have been content to do so. However, since it was my "birthday weekend," I had one of each flavor, complete with double servings of rice and gravy.

Sunday, it was a birthday lunch with my folks. There were some truly excellent-looking salads on the menu. Did I order one? Nope. Catfish and fries, please, waiter, and extra tartar sauce.

Monday, I took the day off, as has been my custom for years. I am morally opposed to working on my birthday. Since it was, after all, my birthday, I took myself out to lunch and had a buffalo chicken sandwich. That night, my wife took me out to our favorite Italian place (George's, as you Short Orders readers will know), and I had a fantastic salmon fillet covered in a wine/butter sauce.

So, what should have been a one-day, even one-meal indulgence turned into a weekend that I will quite likely be paying for on the scale Saturday. However, I take solace in the fact that I learned from the experience and won't be repeating the mistake anytime soon.

If the graph down there at the bottom shows a small uptick next week, you'll all know why. And you can also bank on the fact that the resumption of the decline the week after will be that much more emphatic!

I KNOW some of you out there must have had a better week than I did, and I want to hear from you! Did you replace a fat food with a healthy one? Lose some weight? Discover a new way to cook an old recipe? Let me know. You may remain anonymous if you wish, or I'll use your name and you can brag to all your friends about your success!