XFL Fans Demand Equal Time
Feedback Pours In On Last Column
Actually, he was just echoing the sentiments voiced by many of the WWF Nation who took exception to my less-than-flattering depiction of the XFL last week.
In hindsight, you people are right -- I probably didn't need to write that column. I should have challenged myself to find something more difficult than writing a satirical column pointing out the faults and foibles of the XFL and its megalomaniac owner, Vince McMahon.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go steal some candy from that baby over there, and then take some shootin' practice at a barrel of fish.
But first, may I remind you that just days after that column was posted, the rest of the free world spoke more loudly than one lonely voice on the Internet ever could.
That Saturday, the XFL drew the lowest ratings ever of any prime-time show on one of the "big three" networks. Yes, that's right, that includes "After M*A*S*H," "Cop Rock" and even the illustrious run of "Sheriff Lobo."
Now NBC is threatening to pull out and leave the XFL to the likes of UPN next season. And Jesse "What's In It For Me?" Ventura could be on the way out as well, although this is likely one last pathetic publicity stunt cooked up by McMahon's minions, who also tried to manufacture a feud between Ventura and New York/New Jersey head coach Rusty Tillman.
But hey, the XFL does have one thing going for it: Someday soon one if its games will become the first televised sporting event to be seen by more people in person than on television. There's a legacy to strive for.
Like I said, the WWF Nation was none too pleased with my last effort, and in the interest of giving them equal time, here are a few of the e-mails I've received in the past week or so. Note: Messages are reproduced verbatim, though the writers' identities will be withheld to protect their high school English teachers.
From Thomas:
"Are you working for a tabloid, what is this stuff? Report on the game, if you have ever watched one. They are far different than you tell the world they are. Or are you too busy looking for UFO's. Sounds like you live in a trailer."
You're right, Thomas. If you check out my curriculum vitae you'll see that I'm coming off a stint with the National Enquirer, and of course that college internship with "Hard Copy" is really paying off these days.
And you really think I haven't watched an XFL game or three? I could have reported on the subpar quarterbacking, the miserable offensive line play, the paraplegics injured in bleacher brawls. But that wasn't exactly the point of the column. If you didn't get it the first time, I'm afraid I can't explain it much more clearly than that.
Somebody who wasn't mature enough to sign his name wrote:
"I read your article titled 'Was XFL Just The Start?' and you said... 'Why, just the other day a mole contacted me from deep within WWF headquarters -- sure, it's just a double-wide trailer parked in a rest stop off a backwoods interstate, but it's still HQ to Vince'
I dont know what you have against Vince McMahon or people who enjoy wrestling or the XFL but at least tell the truth. Vince McMahon is a Multi-Billionaire and his HQ are in Connecticut at 'Titan Towers'. You obviously have nothing better to do with your life than criticize other people... I dont know if its jealousy or what but you obviously have something against XFL & Vince McMahon. You failed to mention the NFL and all the drug users and killer's. I admit XFL isnt the best but give it a year or 2 and then see what happens. You really should tell the truth about people un-like you did with Vince. It's a wonder to me why people like you sit around and lie about other people's life-style... maybe you dont have an interesting life yourself and have to poke fun of someone else's... I just dont know..."
Well, pardon me, Mr. Literal. From now on I'll include a disclaimer at the top of my column: Warning: Not intended for the irony-impaired. When you read a sports column, from time to time you're going to run across something called "artistic license." Basically, it means that writers will make an obvious stretch of the truth in order to make a point.
As for your smack about the NFL's troubles, I try to write about leagues when they're in season, but in case you think I let the big boys off easy, here's a special bonus link just for you, o nameless one.
Another person who didn't feel compelled to leave a name tapped out this witty rejoinder on his glowing typewriter:
"While I agree with the core substance of your article, I did have difficulty in getting through your apparent inferiority complex. You're barely getting by financially, have no concept of our capitalistic society and buddy, you whine a lot. Butch up, take it on the chin. There's an apparent streak of envy going down the middle of your back...try to confront and deal with it. Have a nice day."
Thank you! I've been telling my bosses for months how underpaid I am. Actually, I've been whining to them -- you know me far too well already. This one's getting forwarded straight to the suits. If I get a bump in pay, I'll send you a Jesse Ventura action figure as a token of my gratitude.
I like how you judge me based on one column too, pal. Yeah, I whine a lot. I am Mr. Negative. All I can do is criticize, hack and slash without remorse. Why, it's a wonder that I still have a job. Thanks for your knee-jerk personality assessment, though.
Clint joins in the dis-fest (keep in mind, the subject line from his e-mail read "you a putz"):
"Mr who cares
I have never read such a stupid insulting article in all my life. Vince McMahon runs a billion dollar industry. How about you slacker. Ever learned what a run on sentence is you complete jack-ass. Learn something you putz before you open your big mouth. Sure the product is not the best in the world. but they have had 8. How many have you played moron. Its people like you that make me want to puke!
Clint XXXXXXX, punisher of the stupid and I have found there leader"
I'd love to give Clint points for a creative moniker except it's hard to find any love for a guy who rips you on your penchant for writing run-on sentences while he displays such utter disregard for grammar and question marks and the difference between "there" and "their" and he doesn't really define what "8" is I mean is he talking about the aggregate Nielsen rating for the first half of the season or the number of teeth in the mouth of the average viewer or the IQ of Gov. Ventura or the number of women who flashed their breasts at him in the stands last week and besides what he doesn't know is that I have complete respect for Vince McMahon for building a billion-dollar industry because what was it that P.T. Barnum said about another one being born every minute?
Another anonymous reader cuts to the point:
"At least these Guys are worth what they get paid, unlike the Pro's, and probably you."
Wait a minute here. Make up your mind, people -- I'm underpaid, I'm overpaid -- which is it? At least this guy has uncovered the logic in the XFL's flaw. The one thing I really do like about the league is the salary structure. As a fan, I'd love to see the other "major leagues" adopt a similar pay-for-play philosophy, and pass the savings along to the fans. Right now, the one thing the XFL has going for it is the fact that those players are literally playing for their paychecks each week. The grunting, the sweating, the pain -- it's all authentic. Of course, you get that moving a piano, too; doesn't mean I want to watch it.
Scott filled my in-box with this scathing attack, although I don't know if he hates me or his hometown more:
"I will admit that I did find your article on the XFL to be a little amusing. However I do not see why you feel that you need to mock Vince McMahon for trying to be creative. Here is a man that has taken the pro wrestling industry and turned it into a billion dollar industry. You may not agree with the tactics that he has used to accomplish that feat, however there is no way that you can say that he is not a brilliant business man. The XFL, at the moment may be a flop, but lets not forget all that this man has accomplished in less than a year. Not only did he take his idea for this new league and make it happen, but he was able to sell it to one of the biggest networks in the market, the one that you work for I might add. A product that NBC had never seen, but still they shelled out 30 million dollars for stock in the Vince's parent company WWFE. Pretty big accomplishment if you ask me.
I just find it amusing that some joke of a staff writer for some second rated news station in this dump of a town can make a mockery out of someone that has accomplished more in a year than they will in their lifetime. Perhaps your brilliant mind can come up with some creative ideas to make your snoozestation a little more interesting."
First off, Scott, thanks for finding my column "a little amusing." Now, if you can find the paragraph where I state that Vince McMahon is not a brilliant businessman, please forward it to me. The guy's a marketing genius for turning fake wrestling into a "billion-dollar industry." (There's that phrase again -- is that on the letterhead of the WWF stationery or what?)
No, I don't agree with his methods. I think it's despicable to peddle sex and violence to children -- and yes, when the NFL does the same thing, I call them on it. But I do have a healthy respect for McMahon's ability to give the public what it wants, even if it's appealing to society's lowest common denominator.
As for my employment, not that you'd be expected to know this although you apparently care, I don't work for NBC, or ABC or CBS for that matter. Nor am I employed by any of the affiliates in our growing online network. We're independent, and that helps us maintain our objectivity -- just the way I like it. If you've got specific feedback on your local station's programming, you can pass that directly to the station, or send it to me and I would be happy to forward it to the appropriate personnel.
Until then, let's just get to more negativity ?
5. Tiger Woods -- Slump this..
4. Nomar Garciaparra -- You know, there just might be something to this curse thing.
3. Alonzo Mourning -- Excuse me Mr. Iverson, but that shadow over your shoulder appears to be growing.
2. Lute Olson -- Not that he wouldn't trade this Final Four for one more day with his wife, but at least it's something to help him get through the night.
1. Jackie Stiles -- Filling more baskets than the Easter Bunny, she's got tiny Southwest Missouri State in the women's Final Four.
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Patrick Donnelly is a national sports editor and columnist for Internet Broadcasting Systems. His turn-ons are long walks on the beach, dark chocolate, world peace and your feedback.
