Eminem And 8-Year-Olds? Not A Good Match

An 8-year-old acquaintance of mine shocked me into (temporary) speechlessness last week.

He and his father were discussing CDs. Apparently his father -- who is occasionally known for his, um, forgetfulness -- had neglected to send away for a CD that he had promised Eric.

So the forgetful father in question promised Eric that he'd buy him another CD.

"OK," Eric agreed. "I want the new Eminem CD."

This was greeted by silence. His father didn't think the request needed an answer; I, on the other hand, was too stunned to speak.

"The edited one," Eric added. "Not the bad one."

Not the bad one.

That would be "The Marshall Mathers LP," the Eminem album rich in misogynistic, hateful, violent, obscenity-drenched lyrics that have made him a hot topic lately in the perpetual censorship debate.

I'm afraid I burst Eric's bubble. I wasted no time filling in his subsequently horrified father on Eminem and his penchant for singing cheerful, upbeat tunes about killing his wife, killing homosexuals and killing anyone else who has the audacity to disagree with his, um, unique perspective.

After checking out magazine articles and Web sites, Eric's father announced later that he would never buy a CD for either of his sons unless I were along to advise. (This is an entirely undeserved tribute to my pop-culture hipness quotient -- I mean, I actually own CDs by Bobby Sherman, for heaven's sake -- but anyway.)

But it doesn't alter the fact that an 8-year-old child not only was familiar with Eminem, but apparently had listened to some of his music and wanted to own it himself.

And he was savvy enough to realize that he should ask for the edited version rather than what is accurately described on the CDNow Web site as "explicit."

I'm pretty confident that Eric, who attends a parochial school and lives a fairly sheltered Minnesota existence, doesn't have a clue what Eminem means when he spews forth lyrics like these, from a charming ditty called "Kill You":

"Slut, you think I won't choke no whore
till the vocal cords don't work in her throat no more?!"

And:

"Put your hands down b****, I ain't gon' shoot you
I'ma pull YOU to this bullet, and put it through you
(AHHH!) Shut up slut, you're causin' too much chaos
Just bend over and take it like a slut, okay Ma?"

Had enough? No? Here's an excerpt from "Kim" (it's a tender ballad dedicated to his wife):

"Don't you get it b****, no one can hear you?
Now shut the **** up and get what's comin' to you
You were supposed to love me
{*Kim choking*}
NOW BLEED! B**** BLEED!
BLEED! B*** BLEED! BLEED!"

Yes. Well.

I don't know about you, but it makes me wonder exactly how the people responsible for editing Eminem's deathless prose go about it.

A co-worker suggested that maybe they changed all the nasty words to nice ones. Another one theorized that perhaps if you play an Eminem album backwards, you hear messages like "Clean your room. Listen to your parents. Don't drink and drive."

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating censorship. Far from it. It's not my job to tell anyone that they can't listen to Eminem, or to Marilyn Manson, or even to Britney Spears.

If Eminem wants to spread his bile around the world, let him have at it. And if there are people out there who are moronic enough to make him rich in the process, they deserve each other.

I suspect, though, that there are a lot of parents out there who, like Eric's father, have no idea what kind of music their sheltered, protected children are listening to.

You can't wrap them in cotton and keep them in a closet until they're 18. But you'd damn well better pay attention to the music they're buying, the video games they're playing and the TV and movies they're watching.

And if you're not doing that, then please express my heartfelt sympathy to your kids.

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Note: Betsy's pop culture column, Culture Shocked, appears every Wednesday in our Entertainment section. She welcomes your questions and comments.

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