Chat With Wu-Tang Clan, Tony Orlando, Mel Gibson (In French)

Never mind, crisis averted -- a bad source told me that this wan't happening today after all. It actually is. Sigh. Wu! Tang! Wu! Tang! Wu Tang! Is on the brain! The Wu-Tang Clan is the group largely responsible for bringing about the comeback of East Coast rap from near-extinction in the face of the mid-'90s Dr. Dre/Snoop Doggy Dogg West Coast juggernaut, and the Tangers did it with a distinctly New York darkness and brash, genuine eccentricity. Since they've admirably held up as a rap empire, and today some of them (producer and nominal leader RZA is guaranteed) will be chatting, along with their new find, rap-metal group System of a Down, on twec.com at 9 p.m. EST, 8 p.m. CST, 7 p.m. MST, 6 p.m. PST.

Here's a problematic one. Mel Gibson is definitely a headliner, under normal circumstances; with a string of successes from "The Road Warrior" to "Braveheart," he has long established himself as one of a handful of immortal movie stars. But the chat is in French. I'm not sure how to help you here, except to refer you to 0delay.com, an instantaneous translator, and to hope that that works out for you. Unfortunately, 0delay costs money. I don't know, I can't think of any other good solution. Darn you, Mel Gibson! What, English isn't good enough for you any more? Give it a shot through canalchat.com at 2 p.m. EST, 1 p.m. CST, 12 noon MST, 11 a.m. PST.

Jerry Stiller has been father to two of the funnier people of the last decade: Ben Stiller and George Costanza. Well no, not literally -- that's just my little way of saying that he's the real father of Ben Stiller and played the TV father of "Seinfeld"'s George. And he's an accomplished, lifelong comedian in his own right, a longtime comedy partner with his wife, Anne Meara. Chat with him about his autobiography on barnesandnoble.com at 9 p.m. EST, 8 p.m. CST, 7 p.m. MST, 6 p.m. PST.

I have to admit, I don't know much about punk masters X, but I'm pretty sure I'd like them (There's just too much music out there! I don't understand how anyone can keep up!). At the very least, I know I like their skill at choosing names; not only is their band name real cool, but they go by the names John Doe, D.J. Bonebrake, Billy Zoom and Exene Cervenka. You may also know Doe from small roles in films like "Roadside Prophets and "Boogie Nights." See his latest show in a Webcast on rollingstone.com at 8 p.m. EST, 7 p.m. CST, 6 p.m. MST, 5 p.m. PST.

AOLers only: Tony Orlando. What can I say about Tony Orlando? No, seriously, I need to know -- I'm drawing a blank here. I know that he's a Vegas legend, equipped with heartfelt, sweaty anthems ranging from "Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Ole Oak Tree" to "Halfway to Paradise." Maybe that's enough. Tony fans, you know the rest. And log on to tvguide.com at 7:30 p.m. EST, 6:30 p.m. CST, 5:30 p.m. MST, 4:30 p.m. PST. AOL members only. Keyword: TV Guide.