Contraction: MLB's Dumbest Idea Yet

Granted, I don't think anyone really believes it's a good idea. It's probably just an empty threat being used in baseball's ongoing labor problems. But the idea has come up that the solution to baseball's alleged difficulties is to contract a few teams out of the league.

Whoever believes this is a viable option is apparently using the old "debtor's prison" mentality, in which, if someone can't pay their taxes, you put them in jail. The taxes still aren't paid, and in fact you end up using more taxes to house them, but hey, at least we don't have to look at those mopey poor people hanging around any more!

There are countless reasons why contraction is a stupid idea. The best one at the moment is the Twins. They were one of the top candidates for contraction, before they became a powerhouse and started drawing 25,000 a game. Just because a team has a handful of losing seasons in a row doesn't mean they can't put it together and start winning.

People need to learn patience! In the past, only Yankees fans could count on a winner every year; nowadays, fans seem to think that a championship is their birthright. We got spoiled by the great '80s, in which there was a constant rotation of winners and no real dynasties. Look at any era besides the '80s and early '90s and you'll see just what you see now; a few great teams, a few terrible teams and a whole lot of Yankees championships.

Actually, it's better now than in the days of the Browns and the Senators; I don't believe that there are any teams now that absolutely cannot make it. Even the Expos could make a go of it, if they were willing to go into a little debt to build their team and, more importantly, willing to teach players throughout their system plate discipline.

But let's presume that I'm wrong, and that the Expos are hopeless. How will eliminating them help any other team? Sure, the team that gets Vlad Guerrero will be happy, but the Expos' dissolution wouldn't add anything to the allegedly starved bank accounts of all the non-Yankees teams across baseball.

We probably shouldn't even waste column space on retraction; it sounds like a red herring. I'm guessing that the only people who suggest retraction are the rich, happy owners -- George Steinbrenner and co. -- and they're just using it to threaten the players' union. Plus, it gives an option that doesn't make them give up any more money to revenue sharing.

I keep saying "alleged problem" because, as readers of this column have read before, I'm far from convinced that baseball actually has an economic problem. What baseball has is a lot of owners who think that new ballparks are immediate cash cows, especially if the state pays for half of them, and are willing to fudge the numbers any which way but loose to manipulate local sympathy into giving their businesses a boost.

I think owners will soon discover that a new park is not a cash cow. It worked in Baltimore, Cleveland and Texas because, and only because, their new parks coincided with a rising group of superstars and a mini-dynasty each. After the novelty wears off, Pittsburgh and Milwaukee will soon find themselves in the same problem they were in before. If you field a bad team, you could play in the Sistine Chapel and you won't bring in the fans.

However, the real money isn't made at the turnstiles. The real money is made in TV contracts, and that's what owners are really angling for. Did you know that Alex Rodriguez isn't being paid a dime from the Rangers' coffers? His signing was predicated on the signing of a massive TV deal; the Rangers will simply play the role of the middleman, taking the new TV money and handing it over to A-Rod.

These particular Texas TV folks are fools if they think that A-Rod by himself will guarantee good ratings and make their investment worthwhile. If the Rangers don't get some pitching, and fast, Texas fans will switch the channel to "Iron Chef" faster than you can say, "Qui-san!"

It's not that these TV folks are stupid; they just don't know baseball. TV people, you see, live on buzz. In TV, the more headlines you make, the better you'll do. Hype gets you ratings, which gets you cash.

But it's not how it works in baseball, because winning is more important for financial success than all the hype you can churn up. Just ask the Dodgers. Recently they've done everything possible to garner attention and interest, besides winning championships.

And the point to all this, really, and the point to my rants about baseball economics every week, is that I'm angry that owners think there is anything involved in the success of a team besides winning.

The way to win has been known for ages: It's scouting and developing youngsters with patience, care and a lot of hard work. But lately every team is trying get-rich-quick strategies with new ballparks and free agent signings and anything they can think of besides building a solid core of players. Often these tactics are used more to get money out of excited fans than to win ballgames.

When teams pull crap like this, they're undermining the single-minded competitive spirit that is the foundation of the game. There should never be anything besides winning. Sure, we all know that, in the real world, a large gold trophy is nothing compared to a few millions that could make your family comfortable forever.

But this isn't reality, this is baseball, and nothing is supposed to come above getting that large gold trophy. Without that killer competitive attitude, we're left with baseball being just like regular life. And there's a reason why we don't fill stadiums by the thousands to watch people sitting in cubicles and having meetings. Regular life is boring and complicated.

Anyway, the great thing about all this is that there really aren't any shortcuts, and the only way to make real money through a baseball team is to win. That's because fans aren't as stupid as the powers-that-be think. We care only about winning and we'll only give money to winners; we've proved it before and we'll prove it again.

Fans will be wowed by the new stadiums, the big zeroes on the checks of the glitzy new agents, the bright lights and big, shiny things only for so long. Then we'll look at those standings. If the team is losing, we'll turn from the sports page to the movie listings and decide that "The Mummy Returns" sounds better than watching millionaires lose. And, most importantly, our wallets will close up. And then there will be justice in the world.

OK. Hopefully that will constitute my final word on the subject of baseball economics. It bores me and infuriates me all at once, and that's not a good feeling.

Those Darn Twins Fans ...

I have to include just a quick postscript to prove that no matter how obnoxious Minnesotans get, New Yorkers find a way to trump them.

I trust you all heard about the amazingly childish behavior exhibited by some Twins fans toward Chuck Knoblauch recently. I was out in left field for the least violent game of the series, and even that was an infuriating experience.

It was perfectly clear that the crowd was mainly college kids who got in for $3 on a special deal and had very little idea of why they were supposed to be hating Chuck Knoblauch so much, but were happy to yell and scream and vent their personal frustrations at him anyway.

I, like most good Minnesotans, was mortified and embarrassed at the behavior of this crazed pack of teenagers when they started throwing hot dogs on the field. But that shame was short-lived, as I read an article the next day in Newsday that proved that when it comes to moronic arrogance, New York sportswriters will always take the cake.

Check out this article by John Heyman: http://www.newsday.com/content/yankees/thursday/nd7726.htm. It starts out right on the money. Then it says the following:

"The mere thought of forfeiture created such angst that it could be heard clearly in longtime Twins public address anouncer Bob Casey's voice. He wasn't just speaking, he was pleading.

"'Please, this is a very important game,' wailed Casey after the Yankees came off the field. 'This is a championship game.' In these parts, the matchup with the Yankees is as close as to life and death as it gets until football season starts. To the Yankees, this was just another early-season tuneup. But to the Twins, this was their championship.

"This was their World Series."

Wow. Now that's some poor sportsmanship, twisting an admittedly odd comment by the Twins' senile and generally weird PA announcer and using it to paint Minnesotans as a bunch of wide-eyed hicks, thrilled to the core of their parkas to have them big-city folks stop by their humble little metropolis.

But it's what is to be expected of New York -- I lived there, and I can tell you that New Yorkers tend to believe that the world is in dumbfounded awe of them, despite the fact that everyone really thinks they're mostly obnoxious, ignorant loudmouths. Most New Yorkers don't leave New York except to visit their grandparents in Florida, so a New Yorker's take on any place besides New York and Florida should be given as much credence as a two-year-old's opinion of the energy crisis.

I don?t know how exactly to express my frustration with New Yorkers, actually. Maybe those morons out in left field had the right idea. Somebody get me a hot dog to throw at John Heyman.

Any responses?

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