Mother Calls, Texts All Day Long

Dear DoubleTake,
I'm 19 years old, and I have my own life, but my mother seems like she doesn't understand. She has to keep tabs on me. It has come down to me not answering her texts or phone calls at all.
I was kicked out of her house for drinking and not getting a job, but I have completely changed my life around. I quit drinking, got a job and stopped hanging around people who enjoy my company.
My mother calls me about 12 times a day and leaves voicemails saying, "Call me back, I'm worried about you." The texts are even worse. In one day I have received about 23 texts.
I have explained this to her numerous times, but it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. I have even tried to have my grandmother tell her, but it doesn't work.
I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

BETTY SAYS:

It doesn't matter how old you are -- parents will always worry about their children. So when a son or daughter deliberately ignores calls and texts from the parental units, they're bound to get psycho.

There's a way to keep her in the loop, but on your terms. Let her know that excessive voice mails and texts aren't necessary, but that you'll check in every few days. It can be as simple as a text that says, "Hi, Mom." And replying once to a barrage of her messages is perfectly OK.

Once you heal the communication lines with your mom, you both will feel at ease.

In the future, speak to your mother directly. Using your grandmother to relay messages will only worsen the situation.

EDDIE SAYS:

Your mother goes off the deep end, in part, because you gave her reason to worry. Yes, you fixed the bad behavior that caused her to toss you out, but at 19 you can't be far from your troubles. It sounds like you probably created a lot of messes for her to clean up. More than that, being young means you still could be led off the good path pretty easily.

She has more life experience than you do and knows that to be true. If you had problems within the last few years, she has good reason to worry that your changes may not have morphed into good habits for a lifetime yet.

To get her off your back, follow Betty's tips, stay calm about things when she steps over the line and keep living the good life. You don't immediately get credit for your good intentions, but over time you build up a supply of proof that you can take care of yourself and do not need her to do it any more.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.