Long-Distance Man Says He's Not Boyfriend

Dear DoubleTake,
I've been in a relationship for more than two years. We're handling it long distance because we both had to move.
Since then, he doesn't want to be called my boyfriend anymore. I think he wants to move on without me and meet new girls.
But it's been months and he still hasn't been interested in any other girl but me. He still acts like we're together. He's still jealous, but when I try to ask him about it, he says that he doesn't want to lose me.
Other times he acts like I don't even matter.
I feel like a toy. But the thing is, I really love the guy and the relationship was great! What do I do? Should I move on?

BETTY SAYS:

Make a decision whether the love is worth fighting for. Bring it all into the light. If you see a long future ahead, let him know. He might as well know how you feel and what you want out of the relationship.

If he's still cold, perhaps it's time to let him go. Not so he can date other women, but for your own piece of mind.

Playing games won't help, though. You'll just be buying into his elusiveness. And dumping him as punishment -– so that he'll come back to you -- could backfire.

Try and play it straight, accept that long-distance relationships are tough and that guys are guys. And if you need a self-imposed deadline so that you don't wait around forever, that's OK too.

EDDIE SAYS:

Sometimes, people confuse what's happening with what they want to happen.

I doubt that he hasn't found any interesting women. He just probably hasn't told you about them. And that's not at all the same thing.

If he feels possessive and jealous of you -- even though you're not technically exclusive -- he thinks that you will react the same way, so he hides any adventures with other women from you. And he tells himself that he doesn't even have to tell you, since he feels like he broke up with you.

The times you act like you're together he thinks are fine, because you mutually agreeed it isn't part of a real relationship.

If you can accept a halfway relationship -- with the real chance that he'll find someone nearby him that he wants to focus on -- stay with him. If not, break it off, and stop doing things that let the relationship linger.

Breakups don't always mean that two people grew to hate each other. Sometimes, it just means that things didn't workout despite some promise, but letting it go was the right thing to do.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.