Why Did Guy Stop Calling As Much?

Dear DoubleTake,
I met an Army guy a year ago. We talked a lot on the phone and went to dinner. His job requires a lot of work, and I understand that. My concern is that he lets months go by between when I hear from him.
Now, instead of phone calls he sends me texts. I sent him a text asking if he was alright, he said yes. He doesn't seem to be as interested in me as before.
He has said that he is divorced and that he is not in a relationship. I took him at his word. I feel he has something going on because of his disappearing act.
He sent me a text a couple weeks ago telling me that he cares for me and that he will call me, but he didn't. Our interests are pretty much the same. We have wonderful conversations.
What gives with this guy? Is he interested or not? Should I tell him to take a hike?

BETTY SAYS:

The last time a guy disappeared on me when it came to calls and texts it was because he had indeed met someone else. He sent a long apology text some months later and he married her a year later. But no biggie -- we're all good friends now.

There's no use going all super-spy on him to try to figure out if there's someone else, if he's just not that into you, if he's just out of communication because of the Army, whatever. Only he knows.

The most important factor here is your desires in life. Do you want to get married soon? Are children in that plan? If you want to get on with your life, then get on with it. You don't necessarily need to tell him to take a hike, but there's a calm, honest conversation to be had about whether he classifies you as a caring friend or a girlfriend-to-be.

EDDIE SAYS:

You could have a big conversation about things. Sure. And, because he probably doesn't want you to get you mad -- a desire most people share -- he will say what he thinks you want to hear. He'll say that he just isn't sure right now, is busy, really likes you, thinks there could be a future, etc. etc.

But his actions tell you he doesn't have that much interest. (Or, being very generous, that he's not the kind of guy who shows interest the way you want.)

He may have someone else. He may not. It makes no difference. He doesn't want you that much or is happy with a very casual, occasional thing. You apparently don't want just that. And if you can't get used to that being all it is for now, you don't make a big declaration. You just go about the process of trying to think less about it and see what else awaits you.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.