Should We Get Together After Divorce?

Dear DoubleTake,
My wife of almost two years divorced just over a month ago due to my anger issues.
After a couple weeks, we began talking again. Very quickly, we were staying at each other's homes overnight and talking about moving back to the state where we met and were happy.
Since the divorce I have gone headlong into books, Internet articles and therapy to deal with my anger.
While she remains skeptical that I can change so quickly, we continue to move forward, albeit at her pace, which changes from lightning speed to snail's pace on a daily basis depending on her mood. Her actions overwhelmingly tell me that she wants to get back together and take things slow, which is fantastic, but more often than not her words contradict her actions.
She often tells me she needs her space to heal and that she sees me too much. Although we are planning a move back to our beginnings in hope of a fresh start, I can't help be scared and nervous about her words.
Shed some light on this if at all possible.

BETTY SAYS:

Tread lightly. You're lucky to have a second chance with her at all.

Stay in anger management therapy and really take the lessons you've learned to heart. Hopefully, you've learned healthy ways to keep your rage in check when tricky situations arise.

I understand her ups and downs. On one hand, she feels like she wants to make it work with you despite the divorce because deep down, she still loves you. On the other hand, your anger makes it impossible to live with you, so she wants her space and questions why she's putting her security at risk all over again when people never really change.

Work on yourself, and allow divorce to give her what's needed -- some time away from each other.

EDDIE SAYS:

You may be making some incremental progress toward controlling yourself, but you're still just at the beginning.

As for your marriage -- I'd say you got divorced before you really broke up.

You and your ex-wife are not moving forward at all. You're just stuck in the same place you were before the judge signed the documents. You made a legal change, sure, but if it was only weeks before you started shacking up again. After just two years of marriage, it sounds like a quick process to get things finalized legally, but really you never stopped having the same relationship.

Many people, of course, go through this cycle of breaking up and getting back together as they go through the legal process. You just succeeded, so to speak, in dissolving the marriage before the reconciliation.

Despite the decree, you both clearly have a desire to keep trying. I can't say if that's a good idea or not, but I can say that it takes time and it takes you knowing that doing a few Google searches doesn't somehow make you a calmer person.

If you want it to work, prepare to be very patient. But know that she does seem willing to give it a shot, too.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.