My Husband Won't Treat His Snoring Problem

Dear DoubleTake,
My husband of nine years suffers from sleep apnea, which causes him to snore.
Last year, we lost our home to a fire, and his snoring got worse. We are at the point now where we can no longer share the same bed because he keeps me up at night. Even sleeping in seperate rooms does not help because he can be heard snoring through out our apartment.
I have tried to reason with him and begged him to see a doctor, but he refuses to go, saying that he's getting a good night's sleep and thinks I am blowing his problem out of porportion.
I am unable to change shifts at work, otherwise I would have done it long ago. Sleeping in separate rooms is starting to do serious damage to our marriage.
At this point, the only reasonable solution I see is to move into my own place. How do I make him see my point of view without feeling like I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want or throwing our marriage away?

EDDIE SAYS:

Clearly, your husband has a medical condition. He should seek treatment for that, of course. And, as it can be serious, you may indeed have to push him into something he resists.

But the way he handles the situation serves as a symptom of the problems in your marriage. Basically, it sounds like he doesn't consider things that cause disruptions in your life as worth his trouble.

Maybe you can make him see that you would appreciate him getting the snoring under control as a sign that he considers your comfort important. He may understand it if you can make him see it's not about controlling him, it's about both of you having a happy, satisfying life.

BETTY SAYS:

I know you've tried and tried to get him to see a doctor, but keep trying. Some serious medical intervention is needed here. Sleep apnea can be fatal, and something as simple as a good continuous positive airway pressure machine could end up saving his life, your sanity and your marriage -- if a doctor says that's the right treatment.

This relationship is overstressed. Try to work out the medical issues first, and then work on the other tension points, like the sleeping situation. If that goes well, try to find some more fun and normalcy in your lives, the way things were before the fire.

Snoring, bullheadedness and stress are causing your marriage problems, but they can be worked out. Love will find a way.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.