Guy Says Work More Important Than Girlfriend

Dear DoubleTake,
I'm 27 and have been with my boyfriend almost two years. I often feel like he doesn't love me and I'm just someone who is there out of convenience.
He went out of town for work for four days and didn't call once. He has probably told me he loves me three times, and two of those times seemed like a forced response to me saying it.
If I try to hug him, he pulls away, and he thinks hanging out or spending time together three days a week is a lot.
I brought up my concerns a couple weeks ago, and it blew up in my face. He became very defensive and yelled. He blamed his behavior on his parents' dysfunctional relationship. He also made it very clear to me that I was not as important to him as his work.
The day following our conversation, he told me he wanted to make it work but offered no solutions. I offered some ways we could both improve, and so far he's not following through.
I don't know what to do. How do I reconcile the fact that I love him, but I'm not a priority in his life and I feel lonely and neglected? Do I end it and find someone new?

EDDIE SAYS:

You have half the solution. You do end the relationship, but you don't need to find someone else new right away. You need to figure out why you stuck so long with someone who clearly didn't have what you want and showed you that he didn't plan to give it to you.

I don't necessarily think he's a bad guy. He is who he is and wants the relationship that he wants. You know those things and know that they don't meet your requirements. So what's the question? If you aren't married and don't have any kids and can basically support yourself like a typical adult, then do so.

You may be sad and lonely for a while, but even that sounds better to me than having to stare someone in the face every day that you know won't give you what you're looking for.

BETTY SAYS:

Toss him. He's tied to his work, his stress and his ego.

And once he's gone, maybe he'll check in with a therapist. It sounds like he has some anger issues and fears about developing "dysfunctional" love partnerships.

It's OK to end it. There's an emptiness here, and it's not fun being the lonely one in a relationship. It's like one person's off enjoying their freedom while the other is pining for their partner to come home. It could go on like this for years.

My advice is to be kind and honest when you have that conversation with him. If you choose to break up, do it in a decisive way and don't waffle on your decision.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.