Why Don't Couples Last Past 3 Months?

Dear DoubleTake,
I'm 42 and have finally figured out what I want out of a relationship. 
While I can find nice guys who I am completely compatible with, I can't seem to figure out quickly enough that they aren't ready for a long-term relationship, or they just don't develop feelings for me over time that I seem to develop after dating for a while.
It never seems to last more than 2 or 3 months.
Do you have any advice on how I can keep from getting hurt while still taking a chance on finding the right one?
I'm thinking that maybe I should not go any farther than the kissing and holding hands stages until someone has declared his feelings for me in all sincerity. I don't feel that I'm easy or anything like that, but I just am not sure if this is where I am missing the boat.

BETTY SAYS:

Holding out until a guy says he's falling in love with you? You're not 17 anymore. If you're looking for an adult relationship, it's expected that sex is going to be a part of that.

It's possible that you might have found the right guy and lose him because of your hang-ups about intimacy. So do what feels right. Go with your gut feeling and let spontaneity do the rest.

If you have an incredible first date with a man and one thing leads to another, big deal.

Meanwhile, don't return texts from men who seem like they're just looking for a good time. The dating process might take longer for men you're not too sure about -- and yes, this could be about two months of keeping things less intimate -- but if you both feel it's worth it, keep up the coffee shop dates.

If you still can't find the right one, change up the way you meet men or get out of your dating comfort zone. Go to a summer music festival, join a cooking class or resolve to give up online dating for a few months. Open up your heart to the world and you may find the love of your life.

EDDIE SAYS:

How do you think this is supposed to work? Sounds like maybe you want to hear trumpets sound and birds sing as soon as you look into Mr. Right's eyes the first time and have him instantly devote himself to you and only you.

Sure, sometimes it goes down like that. But usually it goes just how you describe it: You meet someone who seems likely, spend some time getting to know each other and then reach a point where each person has to decide if the other fires off that spark that makes you think about spending the rest of your life together.

Meeting nice guys who you get along with for a while should usually be the first step. That serves as a foundation for something more serious down the road.

It doesn't sound like these guys deceive you or treat you poorly. It just doesn't work out, for whatever reason. It hurts not to get what you ultimately want, but you should enjoy the good times you have and just know that you'll find the flame sometime down the road.

If taking the physical part of the table will protect your heart more, maybe you should. But it will cut into the number of guys willing to stick around. Maybe that's not a sign of pure morals, but you don't see it as a more issue, just a strategic one. So you can weigh the benefits and drawbacks reasonably.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.