Should I Talk To My Man About Back Hair?

Dear DoubleTake,
I have been dating a guy who is very good to me, who is very nice, who makes me laugh and gets along with my friends.
The issue is physical. I am not truly physically attracted to him because of the hair on his back.
It is not just a little, it is almost like he is growing a winter coat. It is not like he doesn't know he has it, but how can he not know that it is a turn off for women?
I love to be with him, but how do I bring that up without ruffling too many feathers or hurting his feelings?

BETTY SAYS:

There is always the option to ask him this question: "Have you ever thought about using wax or depilatory cream for your back hair?" I've been told that guys are clueless about what to do about body hair, so you're not being cruel by asking it.

That said, know that the back hair issue could grow on you if the relationship gets serious. Imagine that the hair keeps coming back no matter what he does to try and tame it. Then you start nagging him to try new ways to stop it. Before you know it, you may wonder why you asked him to start waxing his back in the first place, because it's become a fighting point.

I'd go on whether you truly like the guy for who he is and if you picture a real future with him. But if he's certainly not "the one," then perhaps you should let him go gently.

EDDIE SAYS:

A friend of mine once told me that she was really glad her boyfriend -- now husband -- wasn't into manscaping like everyone else seemed to be. She found his body hair manly and comforting.

So, your guy may not know that it turns women off because not all women want the same things.

As with anything else in a relationship, the only way you're going to find out is by talking about it, as Betty suggested. Maybe he thinks you like it, maybe he just doesn't want to deal with the hassle and possible pain of getting and staying smooth.

It could be that he's willing to explore ways to be more bare and less bear, or it could be that he finds the idea to trendy and just prefers to go the natural route.

Whether the next step is setting him up with an appointment at your salon, buying a wet/dry trimmer or just learning to sweep the floor more often, a little talk about it will get the furball rolling.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.