Is It Time To Leave My Husband?

Dear DoubleTake,
My husband and I have been together for 16 years, and I have spent most of that time depressed, unhappy and feeling unloved and unappreciated, even after our three kids were born.
He does not spend time with us, and he does not compliment me or give me gifts unless I nag him.
I am sick and tired of being put on the back burner and being unappreciated. I want to move out and told him in July that I wanted a separation. He was angry at first and ignored me more than usual.
But about three weeks ago he began taking me out to eat and being very sweet. He said that he does not want me to go.
I have just found a house for the kids and I and still want to go. He has been super sweet lately, but I know it will only last for a little while. (I kicked him out 8 years ago, and the same old stuff is back.)
Should I stay and continue this? Or should I go and hope he changes enough to want me back? We have tried marriage counseling but he went only two times and then quit.

BETTY SAYS:

You answered your own question. The green light is on.

You've made all the right moves so far, and now you need to finalize the split. There's only so much you can do on your end. Playing games such as leaving and hoping he'll change will just bring further strain to the relationship.

I've seen two longtime marriages end in divorce after the couples' children were grown up. In both cases, one parent decided that what they used to have with their spouse wasn't there anymore, and so they decided to go. In one case, a doctor whose wife left him met and married a nurse right away and is now living a joyful life.

The same thing could happen to you if you're willing to take a chance on the future.

EDDIE SAYS:

The chances your husband will make permanent changes in how he treats you seem slim.

But one more chance may be in order here, since he is making an effort -- and because you still have three kids at home.

However, the long history of problems makes it fair for you to attach some conditions. Tell him that counseling is not an option, it's mandatory. Tell him -- if you mean it -- that this is the last chance, and if things don't improve, you will be done with him.

I can't say that he will definitely come around agree to the conditions you impose. If he doesn't, you know you gave your best effort and can start to rebuild your life.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.