Woman Thinks Guy Playing Hard To Get

Dear DoubleTake,
I feel so confused by a guy.
We are in grad school together. I met him in the summer, when he saw me from across a room. He came on too strong and I was kind of put off by it, but we chatted a little. He is in my class this semester. At first he acted weird and nervous when he saw me, which was kind of cute.
He seemed to be trying to work up the nerve to talk to me. When he finally did it was nice, but I am cautious person, so I might have came off indifferent.
I found him on Facebook and added him as a friend. He ignored it for two weeks, so I sent him an e-mail asking about class. He finally responded and said he doesn't go on Facebook much but would add me as a friend. He never did.
Whenver I talk to him now he is all business. He acts like he is in control and playing it cool and I feel very submissive.
He gave me his number and I called him and we talked for two wonderful hours, then we played some phone tag and I helped him with a project. He gave me a nice thank you, which surprised me.
Today he called me and was sweet and talkative, but then toward the end of the conversation he mentioned that he saw a good-looking woman.
Does he like me? Is he testing me?

BETTY SAYS:

This guy got into grad school, so he's obviously not afraid of tests. And he's testing how far you'll go to please him.

The game he's playing is called hard-to-get. So stop chasing him.

Facebook is a fickle tool. It can turn innocent e-communication into stalking. Even if he does friend you back, watching this guy's status updates and picture uploads will be waste of your time. And if he does end up dating other women, it'll just make you upset if you see that evidence on his page.

A lot of seemingly shy guys ply women with this kind of behavior, so don't question yourself about what you're doing wrong.

Be cool, smile and be nice to him when you see him in class but don't go out of your way to try and become his girlfriend. All he wants is the girls to rally around him, and wicked ways will get you down if you buy into his game.

EDDIE SAYS:

This guy could just be playing games. It could also be that he's interested in you, and wants to balance his interest against his instinct that getting with you means a big increase in drama in his life.

You don't express an interest in him directly, but read everything into how he says thanks and how often he checks his online accounts. That probably means that, if you started dating, every facial expression on every second of every date would be under scrutiny. I can see why he might be scared by that.

I'm a bit of a Facebook junkie myself, but when someone tells you he doesn't use it often, just believe that and don't make it about you.

Whether or not things work out with this guy -- and I doubt it will -- you may need to work on yourself a bit first. You will probably find a lot more happiness if you learn to enjoy someone's company and see where things go before freaking out about every little interaction.

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions.