Apparently Montgomery Ward's recently had a going-out-of-business sale on cranky pants.

Everyone's wearing 'em. It's either that or everyone's suffering from terminal grouchiness or fatal cabin fever (I suspect that's the case with those of you in my neck of the woods -- Minnesota).

A few weeks ago, I asked readers to send me lists of their everyday annoyances. If the response I got is any indication, a lot of people are going to go postal any time now, so you should probably go hide under your beds (or in your closets if, like me, your under-the-bed space is taken up by dust bunnies and dusty books).

Let's start with the (few) people -- those who are better than all of us and feel a constant, overwhelming need to tell us why -- who had a moral imperative to criticize the fact that a lot of people feel the need to complain. Here's what those moral guardians had to say:

• "One of the biggest things I hate are people who make huge, stupid lists about the things that bug them about the world and their daily lives with other people and their flaws when they should be greatful that that have a life." (Hey, I'm greatful … I mean grateful … that I can at least spell.)

• "What irritates me is people who gets irritated too easily. Whatever happen to forgiveness, long suffering and patience. Come on give people a break. Everyone makes mistakes and are ruded at times. Maybe they have had a bad day." (This is from a guy named Eugene. Enough said. But I kind of like his use of "ruded" – kind of like being "wilded.")

• "As far as what bugs me, it is people like you that feel it is their responsibility to nitpick every little thing the people around them do. If you spent more time channeling your negative energy into something positive, you might actually produce something worthwhile. It is really too bad that you have decided to propagate your own ugliness under the woeful guise of 'writing.' You write well, no question about it, but your content betrays you as part of the problem, not part of the solution." (This is from a guy named Alan, who apparently sat down too suddenly on a stick. Let's all channel our negative energy into hoping that he gets it successfully removed soon.)

Hmm. That seems to be the extent of the people who complained about other people complaining. Let's check out those who willingly donned their cranky pants (or, in some cases, entire cranky ensembles, complete with cranky shoes and cranky hats) and see what they had to say:

• From Mary: "Bosses that say, as they are interrupting your lunch, I know I shouldn't interrupt you at lunch, but …'

  "People who call you at home and then say, when you say hello, 'Who is this?' If they didn't know, they shouldn't have called.

  "SUV drivers at any time, at any place, but particularly in my rear-view mirror with their lights shining brightly in my eyes.

  "People who drive 52 mph in the left-hand lane of a 65 mph speed limit highway.

  "Drive-through speakers that sound like advertisements for static: 'You want a what?'

  "Loud furniture store commercials."

• From my old friend and co-worker Tom: "People who use 'orientate' instead of 'orient' should be taken out and beaten with a large, nail-studded club.

  "People who go into someplace like Sam's Club, which has aisles the width of the Titanic, and still manage to stop with their cart in just the exact position to keep anybody from getting by them.

  "People who stop their cars -- or, usually, pickups -- in the middle of the street to talk to somebody who's going the other way, thus bringing you, the poor schmuck behind them, to a dead stop.

  "People who, when you disagree with them about something, reply, 'You just don't get it.' I get it; your taste in (pick the subject) sucks.

  "People who put out cigarettes in plates of food (I still shudder when I think of my busboy days, more than 20 years ago).

  "People who suffer the vapors when other people provide minor grooming chores, like clipping nails." (This is a dig at me, because I once told Tom what a Neanderthal he was for clipping his fingernails in public. One shudders to think what he classifies as "minor grooming chores.")

• From Susan (who gets my wholehearted endorsement for her first item): "Parents who let their kids leave incoherent messages on answering machines ('My mommy and daddy can't come to the phone right now, leave a message ...')

  "Counter help who start carrying on conversations with their co-workers while taking your order, then screw up the order.

  "Calling your doctor's office and getting put on hold for 10 minutes. Hey, you could be giving birth or bleeding to death during that time." (I'd like to add one here: employees in doctor's offices who act as though you've committed the crime of the century when you're five minutes late for an appointment, but would rather be beaten with a large nail-studded club before they apologize for making YOU wait.)

  "Getting voice mail with 10 different options before you can talk to a real person.

  "People who break wind on mass transit, then leave you to breathe in the stench."

• From Katie: "People who go outside to smoke, but stand right in front of the door smoking so that you still have to walk through a cloud of their smoke. Thanks a lot, guys, you can cover while I'm absent from work with asthma.

  "People who walk around so drenched in scent, it leaves a cloud that has yet to dissipate five minutes after they've left. Or people who apply a scent at work. At their cubicle. Hello -- you can also cover while I'm out having asthma. If you apply it to your wrist, your wrist is at your side and you can still smell it, you've put too much on! Perfume is not replacement for good hygiene, and if you're that uncomfortable with the way you smell after you've bathed, then you need a week with a Frenchman, and that should cure you.

  "Drivers who don't turn into their own lane, then give you a dirty look because you turned into the proper lane and are now in their way because they chose your lane, not their own.

  "Chewing with your mouth open. Especially when so-called intelligent people chew with their mouths open.

  "Exaggerators and one-upsmanship champions.

  "People who think their child is the biggest genius on earth, but at 4 years old the child still speaks unintelligibly. Oh, heck, anyone who goes around talking about how advanced their child is. Why do you have to brag? Would you still love your child if tomorrow they suffered head trauma and lost their genius? Enjoy your child because they are your child, not because they're a wunderkind.

  "When other drivers blink their headlights at you because you have yours on during the day. Too bad they haven't seen the 143 signs that I have in Oregon telling you to turn your headlights on for safety."

• From Colin, who is really peeved: "People who don't signal when changing lanes or turning. HELLO? Is it so difficult to reach down and flip a lever, for God's sake?

  "Idiots who stand in large groups right in the middle of passageways at restaurants or clubs. Get the hell out of the way; people are trying to walk through, you thoughtless morons!

  "Drivers who start to pull out as I drive by. Quite frankly, I'm not interested in being broadsided -- my car's in bad enough shape, thank you.

  "Tailgaters. Has no one heard of the 'for every 10 mph, add one car length to your following distance' rule? If someone tailgates me for too long, I'll simply pull over as if to turn onto a side street and let them go by, then get back on the road.

  "People who walk slowly in shopping malls. C'mon, some people want to get where they're going WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK!

  "People who talk on their cell phones while driving. Either hang up and drive or get a hands-free device -- they're not that expensive. This one's especially irritating because I was rear-ended by a woman who was yammering away on her cell phone and not paying any attention whatsoever to the fact that I was stopped ahead of her.

  "People who read over my shoulder and then whine, 'I'm not hurting anything!' when I ask them not to do so. Hate to burst your bubble, but you are hurting something -- you're ignoring my feelings and not respecting my wishes.

  "Restaurants whose prices vary from location to location. Come on, I want to be able go into a place and know that my burger and fries will cost the same no matter what location I visit.

  "People who use the word 'like' too often. It makes them sound like (there's that word again) morons.

  "People in management-level positions who cannot seem to grasp basic spelling and sentence structure rules. These people are our bosses, and I could write a more coherent sentence than they could? Something's very wrong here.

  "The practice of separating two complete sentences with a comma. Are editors getting lazy or what? That's called a run-on sentence. Example: 'We are the best delivery service in town, give us a try and we'll prove it.' Sorry, guys, that's WRONG! Put a friggin' period after 'town' and capitalize the 'G' in give. It seems that a few copy editors slept through that part of English class. I realize I make mistakes in my writing and speaking (who doesn't?), but these people are COPY EDITORS, for the love of God! It's their job to correct these mistakes!

  "News anchors who pronounce the word 'harassment' as 'harris-ment.' It's pronounced 'har-ASS-ment!' Get it right, guys!"

• From Rita, who's feeling particularly vehement: "People who are in front of you on the escalator and when they get off, they just stand there IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STAIRS and discuss where they want to go. Meanwhile, you are going toward them. EXCUSE ME!

  "The idiot in the parking garage, when you park in a corner spot, he parks his pickup in the next corner spot, kind of right behind you, where his big bumper blocks you in. DON'T THEY KNOW HOW TO PARK?"

• From Ellen: "Here's a few from Southern California:

  "People who rush forward when a new checkout line is opened, even though the clerk asks for the next in line.

  "People who forward e-mail chain letters, dirty jokes, soppy sentimental stories, hoaxes, etc.

  "Stores that refer to me as a guest. I'm not your guest, I'm a customer." (You listening, Target?)

  "People who stop at the top of the escalator." (Ellen, meet Rita …)

  "People who push forward to get into an elevator as soon as it opens, before people inside can get out. (They usually have strollers).

  "People who baby-talk out loud to their kids in public.

  "People who don't clear the copier, so when you copy you get 17 double-sided, hole-punched, stapled copies.

  "Women who tinkle on the toilet seat in a public restroom and leave it for the next person to deal with.

  "Men who wear baseball caps inside restaurants.

  "Men who take off their shirts in public outdoor places (like the swap meet or fair) because it's hot outside.

  "People in the office who eat up all the candy in your candy jar, then point out that it needs to be refilled.

  "People who take the last cup of coffee and don't make a new pot. Or worse, they take all but a few drops as if to justify that they didn't take the last cup.

  "Guys with 'No Fat Chicks' bumper stickers. Ever take a good look at these guys?

  "Drivers of large SUVs that park in compact parking spots.

  "People who eat chips and cookies in the grocery store before they've actually purchased the merchandise.

  "Department stores that have their escalators running in such a way that you have to get off on each floor and walk all the way around to the other side to continue going up.

  "I'm sure I've got many more, but these make me sound pretty irritable as it is."

• From Rachel: "Women who wear sandals that are so small that their toes and heels hang over and touch the pavement. If it isn't in your size, take that as a sign from above.

  "People who pick their nose in the car and assume because the window is up that you cannot see them. Gross! Please use a Kleenex.

  "Parents who do not teach their children table manners or bathroom etiquette, i.e., flushing the toilet, washing hands when finished.

  "The doughnut clerk that picks up your doughnut with that piece of tissue and then throws the tissue in the bag with your doughnut. I certainly want the doughnut clerk's hand germs on my doughnut.

  "People who don't realize that the cute card and things they send from various Web sites puts me on that damn Web site's mailing list.

  "Women or men who bathe in such an excessive amount of cologne that it make my eyes water and nose run and I actually have to leave the room to make it stop.

  "Supervisors who assign you a task five minutes before you are supposed to leave for the day.

  "Women who assume that because they make it in their size, they should wear it. Or that they should try to get their size-12 butt in a pair of size-6 pants. (I am a size 12 or 14, but I wear a size 12 or 14.)

  "Women who try to wear boots with huge heels when there is a foot of snow and ice on the ground. Just because they are boots does not mean they are appropriate for snow and ice.

  "Women who try to be cute and wear skimpy outfits when it is 20 degrees below zero outside. Frostbite is not a cute accessory, and it doesn't go with the navel ring. It might, however, match your tattoo.

  "Thank you very much, I am now getting down from my soapbox. I feel much better now that I have been allowed to vent." (Hey, Rachel, that's what I'm here for. That's what they tell me, anyway.)

• Let's let Hille have the last word this week: "Hell, there're days when I have on a whole cranky suit, with purse and shoes to match!

  "OK, here goes: First would have to be supposedly educated people who can't remember the difference between "accept" and "except." I see this error a LOT, and it drives me crazy. Ditto the same people who apparently don't know about the spellcheck function on their computers.

  "And people who should know better, saying "irregardless." There's NO SUCH WORD! Also, a lot of folks would do well to look up "literally" in the dictionary ... this has got to be the most misused word of recent years." (That literally makes me fall on the floor and froth at the mouth. Oh, wait, maybe not …)

  "People who feel called upon to send e-mail messages in all upper-case text. This makes for such difficult reading that often I just delete such messages unread.

  "People who forward every e-mail hoax that comes their way, and never bother to research any of them even after being told how to recognize virus alert, urban legend and 'e-mail tracking' hoaxes. How hard is it to check at the urban legends reference pages, Hoaxbusters or another hoax-tracking site before forwarding the latest e-mail tripe to everyone in your address book?

  "And, if people feel that they absolutely must pass on e-mail forwards, how difficult is it to delete the extensive previous-distribution lists? Even if I really felt the need to see the latest maudlin 'inspirational' bit, I wouldn't want to wade through 20kb of addresses to read the 2kb message!

  "Spammers. Period.

  Back in "meatspace": People who carry on loud cell-phone conversations in public places, often on Jerry Springer-esque personal topics. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT IT!

  "And while we're on the subject, how many near-accidents have you seen lately involving someone who was more interested in their cell-phone conversation than in the traffic they were driving in?

  "Parents who are always taking time off work due to child-related issues; also the way that parents are often given first choice of vacation time, etc. It is not fair that everyone else should have to pay the price for your lifestyle choice. In fact, this whole Cult of the Child, with hypocritical boomer parents acting like they invented parenthood, has gone way too far.

  "People who say, 'Well, life isn't fair' while screwing you over unnecessarily. Who made you the avatar of life's unfairness? To me, life being unfair is even more reason for people to treat each other fairly.

  "Well, I could go on ... but I have to go out and shop for my new cranky lingerie! I think I'll need it before this winter's over!"

I haven't even made a dent in the responses. Look for more next week, and in the meantime, if there's something or someone that's griping you, let me know.

Even if it's me.

• Past Culture Shocked columns

Note: Betsy's pop culture column, Culture Shocked, appears most weeks in our Entertainment section. She welcomes your questions and comments.

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